Just got a script for 120 vicodin with 6 refills. I feel like michael jackson.
I could make treat bags
just gave a yankee's fan wrong directions to Fenway....welcome to boston asshole
nothing like Chinese food and masturbating on a Saturday night
My afternoon will now be spent googling genital warts. I think my life is over.
Those foam number one hands, are the BEST socks.
I keep hearing lesbian porn and I'm the only one home. I don't think this is healthy
Sorry no. I've already promised my first single hookup to somebody.
thing about being the result of a teen pregnancy is that all my baby pictures are of my mom and dad holding me around their stoned college friends.
You know how I got mad at him for making out with his formal date? Apparently I fucked mine. I'm guessing any exclusivity is out of the question.
you peed off the balcony at your sisters and asked someone below to catch it with a cup
He's getting off drug court. We're doing a super-blunt with 50 dollars worth stuffed inside. He almost cried tears of joy when we told him.
still not dressed at 5:00, jacking off watching men's figure skating and hoping my weird roommate doesn't walk in. anybody who says idk how to have fun is wrong
We should try to put a bagel on your penis
Pretty sure I just scored Election Day sex based on the theory that if either of these fools win the world as we know it is over so we might as well get a few orgasms in...
My saturday night consisted of sewing my Halloween costume and watching Blues Clues
You actually...sewed your costume?
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