I've decided that I only have enough money to either eat or drink over the next month. I'm sure you know what choice I've made.
Last night i was so high that i came home and did a taste test of every vitamin water and wrote theyre grade down on paper.
how the FUCK am I supposed to macarena while doubble fisting?
he wont speak to me right now because i told him it must suck knowing he'll never be as good as edward cullen..idiot.
Swear. I think after passing out in a community college parking lot I can safely nominate myself for the piece of shit of the year award
there is way too much butter on my body for this to be okay
I'm standing outside of the bar watching homeless men teach a kid how to pee of the sidewalk.
Did I change midway through last night?
Seven times. The most notable outfits were UFC Fighter and Top Hat Viking
You do realize how pathetic it is when the woman who does your bikini waxes has seen your vagina more than I have
You came home And decided to make beer battered bacon... That's why there was smoke
Giving you good advice and being naked are not mutually exclusive.
Hi you snuggled with me in my bed in a maid outfit
I climbed up on the tank of the toilet so I could take a slo-mo vid of myself pissing into the garbage can, but the base of the toilet shattered and I had to bail.
i don't know what happened one minute im stumbling home drunk and the next im drinking pabst and smoking with a french guy ive never met named hugo.
Btw that $18 I gave you to run around outside naked came out of your wallet.
Randomize
