Why do you apologize after every time we have sex?
Grown men dancing to Spice Girls and a girl wearing one shoe. I belong here
Im shirtless eating a burrito. How urgent is this?
Yeah we call her cincohandjabos because she gave 5 guys handjobs one night in 5th grade
I wouldn't fuck her. Looks like her vagina smells like a seaside orgy.
In the sauna. Drunk. When I close my eyes I think I'm a dog. Is that wrong?
woke up to see a man wearing a sailor hat and covered in vomit sneaking out the door. Epic night indeed.
With a few pieces of metal and duct tape and a bong was created
I punted my pants across my apt at my roommate last night. Everything else is kinda fuzzy.
I currently need breakfast in bed, morning sex, and a bourbon and diet coke. Make this happen
no body wants to do anything today cause it's too cold, but a guy can only masturbate so many times a day. Ya know
Margaritas just taste better when they're bigger than your head
the sex was good. her showing me pictures of her 4 year old daughter afterwards was not.
Also I feel like death. But like. In a good way
I just watched two birds fight or fuck. It was crazy. Another bird was watching closer and I know that bird understood what was happening better than me.
Randomize
