just come out here and I will go home with you...
Girl in my class with fire painted on her face. I. need. that. weed.
Breaking hearts and overdosing on semen. That's my life.
if u cant get laid at this wedding we need to have a looooooong talk about the possibility of u becoming a lesbian
he told me to hold it and try to write my name in the snow and it seemed like a bonding moment because neither one of us had ever done that before. i didn't anticipate it vibrating and weirding me out therefore making me let go and get my hand peed on.
You know how there are wrinkles in your brain? What if they were filled with potato chips? That's kind of how my head feels now.
I got a lap dance from a guy last night dressed as a school girl. Heels and all. His heels got stuck in my fish nets
You fell out of the chair and then lifted your foot saying, "If my foot could give you the middle finger it would."
I wanna come do a blessing for your apartment. And by that I mean I want to drink a lot of whiskey and watch ancient aliens in your apartment
Well I'm missing half a toenail if that's any indication of my night
The struggles of a small town man whore
Well I've made a drinking game out of the Wiggles but I think I've got this babysitting thing down
He fired me, I fucked his wife, we're even I think...
He just showed up in boxer briefs and loafers with only his phone and condoms
I haven't been drunk for four days and just realized I haven't taken a shit for three. This can't be healthy.
Which part?
Randomize
