went to sleep on the couch in jeans and socks. woke up in bed totally nude no memory of moving. best farewell party ever
So pretty much, I was trying to piece last night together and remembered a point where I was pointing to you heart then touching your face. I'm not sure that I ever translated that to "I like your personality better than your looks" but that's what I meant
: am i supposed to send the mass text 'merry christmas!' to my booty calls too?
Somehow ended up at a stranger's bridal shower. Everyone else is already drunk.
I'm 2 blowjobs away from girlfriend status....don't tell me I don't know how to have an adult relationship
I'm still in shock that he came by my house for five minutes dropped off a Teddy bear and went to the strip club on valentines day
definitely fulfilled the lesbian status quo and fucked her in the back seat of my prius
I'm so hungover that if we go to panera, I'll probably get a bread bowl to throw up in.
thats why a responsible adult always keeps some facial hair just in case they need to shave a hulk hogan mustache for midget wrestling...
want me to make you a grilled cheese? I can't guarantee it'll be as good as yours but i'll go down on you afterwards if you want
brb printing out this text and putting it on my bedroom wall
There is nothing quite so pathetic as sitting in bed in your underwear eating easy mac in complete silence, waiting for Netflix to load
I need a costume for that party. Even if I'm just taking it off.
I'm sorry. I slept with him again. On the plus side he's got better at it!
He's gonna be like you slept with too many of my friends and you're being voted off the island haha
I was so close to going to get my nipples pierced with my mom today
Randomize
