I may or may not have screamed I'M ON A BOAT while having sex...on a boat. I think I was born to have sex with him.
There could not be a more unattractive person. She just told me her period was so bad that she got sick. I think my penis retracted and killed himself
bowling with tennis balls and shot glasses. whatever you dont knock down after 2 rolls, you drink.
I realized i make the same noise when i get a blow job as when i eat pizza
WAIT U DIDN'T FEED THE SQUIRREL?
Did you sleep with Connor? And who undressed me? There's a picture of two guys peeing out my bedroom window. What happened?
One day, tell me please to stop buying shots when I'm overwhelmed. I might have just broken a tooth
Be proud. All I did last night was roll around in my nun costume selling drugs. I love Halloween.
The beer shits the day after completing the World Beer Tour at Epcot are just as epic as the tour itself.
His new girl is probably classy and boring. I bet she doesn't feed him sour patch kids while she wiggles his weiner.
For a second I thought that you were becoming a decent person again. I am glad I was wrong.
Just had a reminder come up that just said "Ham"
I woke up with clothes on this morning and I'm pretty sure you had something to do with that. Thank you.
That's good. So do you know why there is a giant pile of old tires in the laundry room and kitchen?
Well we knew you needed some tires, found someone on the way home who was giving them away and took them all. Has to be 4 in there you can use.
The guy i took home was a circus freak. He jerked off 3 times in front me after we had sex. And he came every time.
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