it doesn't get any better than taco bell and soft core porn
remember the good old days of high school when a half gal would last for more than a nite
so went to the condom shack today. bought a condom that dresses up your dick in a suit...tomorrow im fucking in style
We left the bar, went to a sex shop, bought penis shotglasses, went back to the bar and insisted that the bartender used them.
Alright, I can go by eventually,, I don't wanna lose a second pair of shoes this semster from blacking out...
How sad is it that I'm looking in the farm & garden section of craigslist to find a weed dealer. I mean, that's where they'd be right? Just gotta break the code.
Hahah what did you even say to him?!
That I was gonna inflate his vagina with a leaf blower?
Oh.
Might be time to reevaluate my life. Banned from red roofs inns. Apparently I puked in ice machine. 3 hotels in a year.
After seeing all of the pics during the trial, all I could think was "her vagina doesn't look THAT dangerous"
When have we listened to the rational side of either of us?!
Dear God, please let me get my period. And if this one is fiercer than usual I completely understand.
The only people allowed to make me cry are myself and Chris Hemsworth as Thor. And me.
They were so sore! Either I have bed bugs or you were biting my nipples last night and don't lie to me.
How I know that I'm single: when I get a save the date for a wedding & I read "& guest" my first thought was does my bottle of Jack Daniels count.
Still drunk. lying on the floor just rubbing my cats nipples
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