Dude ur right that IS what a vagina looks like!
Do everybody a favor and GET LAID MORE.
i woke up today to a handjob from this really fat girl that keeps calling me michael phelps
You just kept rubbing her head and repeating "I really like your head, I want your head..." over and over for like 10 minutes straight... And she didnt even stop you.
You know why I moved here? No public intoxication law. A cop just helped me from my bent over vomit pose, asked if I was ok, and gave me a ride home.
i seriously have like 9 pictures of people taking shots out of a vag on my camera....
Why yes actually, getting stoned and reading an AARP magazine IS totally where I wanted my night to end!
The assistant vp has a bottle of wine on his desk & I have a feeling my boobs will be making an appearance today.
why is there a fishing net hanging from my ceiling fan?
So heartbroken my rebound has a rebound
You will drink beer in a kiddie pool in your back yard but you wont bring a girl home
I think the sex rug burn on my back is infected, can you check it out when you get home?
I literally ate pizza on a toilet and made up reasons as to why you should make out with that boy. I am unstoppable.
I took an uber home at 6am. Went to Santanas, apparently they don't take american express. So the uber driver bought my burrito. Success!
I wish I had a Tina from Bob's Burgers in real life. She would be the best wingman.
Its weird to introduce me to his wife and kids on the first date, right?
Randomize
