They have glow in the dark condoms. That's so scary.
Something like a penis light saber.
Firetruck pulls up, fireman jumps out n knocks on my door, asks "do you know where Johnny lives?"
You're not pinnochio. Lying isn't going to make it bigger.
there's a sign at taco bell and it says "bacon and ranch make everything better." it speaks to me.
When the cops came you just told them you'd go to your time out corner.
On a scale of 1 to "bad descision", where does stealing my racist neighbors dog and giving him my roomates dildo for a chew toy rate?
They're tearing apart the house I lost my virginity in:(
I need to pack up my vagina and leave. We only do bad things together.
Im going to be coked out with hello kitty fire arms. Valentines day can suck my dick
while he was teaching, every time he said "wet" he would look at me, that's what you get for sleeping with the professor's assistant
No. Way more drunk than the night I put a snowball in my purse "for later" and woke up to find everything soaking the next day.
But less drunk than the day that Pete took four of your birth control pills thinking they were Advil, right?
I also told the pizza delivery guy that he smelled good. I must be ovulating.
We'll get you some ice cream, but no sprinkles. Sprinkles are for winners.
It looks like you got dick slapped by the sandman..
He went down on me and then made me breakfast in bed. He's a man you can bring home to mom.
Randomize
