The Lord gave Farrah Fawcett 1 wish when she died. She wished that all children in the world would be safe! The Lord granted her wish and killed Michael Jackson.
I meant the "stage" gay, Not the "bend me over and call me Gary" gay.
you were so drunk you slurred your pauses
Somewhere out there, someone is getting laid. And then theres me, watching Star Trek porn while my roommate plays World of Warcraft next door
our new exchange student wants to hear all about America's greatest politician, "Oprah." it's gonna be a long fucking day
Why am I getting the stink eye from these people? They're acting like BYOB isn't kosher in a laundromat.
I'm at the cafe. It's 7am. There is a girl I don't know on my futon who tried to tickle me this morning when I got down from my loft. I also not wearing any underwear.
you just kept yelling NO BUENO SENOR at the cashier and throwing coins at him, of course you were going to get kicked out of the grocery store
i watched you ride a mechanical penis. nothing is awkward between us anymore.
I AM THERE IN SPIRIT, TICKLING YOUR BALLS
I decided staying home, watching porn and masterbating was a much better choice than the gym. And I was right.
FYI my mom is sending thanksgiving "samples" of her fancy pot stash for us this weekend. I bring the BEST family leftovers.
I can hear the pillow talk now, "how many condoms did you bring? Good, put them all on,"
I'm sorry I tried to spit drugs down your throat like a baby bird last night.
You told him he “could park his dick in your garage”.
Well he didn’t. It shouldn’t be this hard to get a penis.
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