she made me cover her fishbowl with my shirt because she "didn't want to corrupt it."
If we have to be apart I understand. Being separated is probably best for our relationship now. I look forward to our booty calls.
Found out my brother is now my eskimo brother...One of my proudest times as a brother
he just looked at me and whispered "these are my sea lions. my sea lions." and then went back to licking the mirror
you made them have somersault races with you thru the lobby..
i'm sure god appreciates how great my boobs look during this fine christmas eve mass
She wore that goddamn strap-on all night. When she was playing guitar hero it kept getting in the way but she just wouldn't take it off.
We've been broken up for 7 months. His mom sent me a card with a brochure inside titled "How at Risk for STD's are you?"
You missed out on a serious adventure. Cops were called. We put a chicken in someones house.
I'm not so good at organized events that don't revolve around whiskey or playgrounds.
If you don't fuck me hard, rough, and senseless the minute we're alone in your room, I'm returning you to the boyfriend store
Do they still have sex clubs in San Francisco? Because that'd be an interesting way to spend Easter.
The brides mom put a 6 year old in charge of me to make sure I don’t get too drunk before the wedding
I got really worried when i woke up and there weren't any missed booty calls from him between 3 and 5 am. Apparently his gf is in town ...
And I’m prepared, because I'm in it to win it (and by win I mean get railed hard)
Randomize