Billy Mays died!
I know. And the US is beating brazil...what's wrong with the world?
His bookmark is a piece of toilet paper. No shame there.
I told her I had the flu when in reality I did way too many drugs last night, haven't slept and don't want to sit through a 3 hour buisness meeting trying to figure out which voices are real and which are in my head
I told him I'd go cook him breakfast, but ended up passing out on the kitchen floor in the fetal position spooning the dog
he said he'd buy me TWO burritos if I took my shirt off
Moments after comforting her about her boyfriend issues I found myself in the other room showing him my tits.
I feel like telling him your vigina was older than him was not a good pick up line.
you took a picture of the hospital bathroom and sent it to me
Currently playing beer pong versus the girl i lost my virginity to.....and her mom
Last night was so embarrassing. I got like almost blackout drunk and threw up in my hand and then blamed it on someone else.
Me and tommy were trying to figure out why our printer was jammed, found a condom stuck in the paper slot. #collegeprobs
All i really remember is meeting this guy dressed as jesus and i kept taking his wine and saying "the body of christ!"
I also woke up in my friends room to 3 girls and a naked boy on the floor but thats besides the point
He was wearing running shoes tho. Thats like the cardinal rule. You don't fuck a guy who wears running shoes as regular shoes.
At least you got some excitement going on, you got weed and might die tonight, I'm just sitting here bored as fuck.
2017 is my year to realize stuff. Move over Kylie Jenner
Randomize
