Dude, no joke... I lost my wedding ring in some skank last night
This chick, for whatever reason, has serious "Leave your wife and kids and also break up her young marriage in order to frolick for a good 2 weeks before I realize that she's just like the rest of them and I made a huge mistake and ruined a lot of lives in the process" potential. It's SO INTRIGUING.
I want to have your abortion
tell me how a rose bowl party involves waking up to find a raccoon in my kitchen cabinet eating my oreos the next morning?
im kinda looking forward to winter break. ive been away from home for so long i think i can trick my vagina into thinking that these arent the same people ive been hooking up with since high school...
just 'accidentally' changed my relationship status to 'in an open relationship' just to see what offers I might get if I were to dump him. it's not looking good
He told her, Don't talk. Just sit there so I can imagine that you have the kind of personality I wish you had.
Just because I tried to backhand you with a fist full of cash does not make me violent
"just because you look like a short version of scarlet johanson does not mean I would immediately fuck you" that was the single.most difficult thing to say. but seriously I don't want the roots of the whore tree anywhere near my junk.
Welcome to the difference between being FWBs (remember how we used to see who could get more lap dances a night?) and being in a relationship. Fun, huh?
You're more than welcome to join us! There's red velvet cake and apparently my pants are open for business I didn't consent to this
I just found a half a joint in my bed. . .don't know if this qualifies as a proud moment or a cry for help
You went to a drug deal in a onesie.
My boyfriend told me that I said I wanted to "feast on her vagina"... Glad I don't remember.
We need to catch up immediately. I took ecstasy and made out with carrot face this weekend.
Randomize
