dude, you're never picky with who you hook up with, have a little dignity
nah man, chicks are like pokemon, gotta catch \'em all
you kept eating the heads off the gummy bears and screaming 'euthanized!'
Can you put "designated driver" on a resume?
Ok, so for future reference, in Rome, "piano bar" means "brothel".
I will fight anything that is not spinning right now
The fact that I pulled something plastic out of my mouth after taking that shot is starting to concern me.
I'm just trying my hardest not to get addicted to drugs or pregnant and all your other friends are out there getting married
I added a U.S. Senator on snapchat....casual.
Bro you were on fire last night...like a less Irish version of Liam Neeson
He propositioned me for a threesome once so yeah I'd say he has what it takes to run for public office
He can't say no, it's my spiritual goddamn quest.
walk of shame across osu's campus on game day. i can see all the spots i threw up last night. its like my personal yellow brick road.
i just swapped my iPhone for a happy meal. this is greg btw, the hooker let me borrow her phone
On another note, I think my upstair neighbor is having sex. How awkward would it be if I showed up to her door with a bag of Chipotle?
Hey, um, after thinking about it, I decided I really don't want to use applying olive oil to your ass for your fissure as part of foreplay because... well... really? Just read that again.
Randomize
