I'm sad I can't be there is wknd, I'm laying on the beach and daydreaming of you / crying a bit
I'm watching a porn and daydreaming of you. Sounds like we both need Kleenex
Soooo my gf got the droid and doesn't have BBM anymore, I think its over for her
all but 2 of were put on probation for disorderly conduct. i know, visiting a hospital when your drunk is really stupid but it seemed like such a good idea at the time
swear to god, "it seemed like a good idea at the time" is gonna be on your epitaph
I just won unlimited hot dogs for life. I'm so glad I smoked
Transgendered man at work dawning a slutty batman costume. I hate Halloween
he's got a countert top full of yard sale blenders so id say maragita wednesdays is a go.
Next time I say "Watch this" Get me the fuck out of the bar.
I'm really starting to miss his dick. Like so much I'm actually tempted to try and work things out with him again.
How would one go about tricking someone into chugging an entire bottle of tequila?
I'be color coordinated the clothes in my closet and my underwear drawer. I'm like an advertisement for house arrest. Help.
You understand the drunkenness of my drunkenness
I was in the bathroom and I heard a phone ding inside one of the stalls. I really wanted to say, nature is calling, but I was still in my work uniform
I can see your house from here
Get off of his fucking roof
My husband was abducted by a group of disco dancers in the parde and danced off down the street. If you see him, tell him to Hustle on home and clean the cat box. #MardiGras
tonight...tonight im having sex in honor of you
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