the star wars geek is hitting on me, and is talking about his lightsaber. need back up NOW
Pls don't use the words alligator, purple, and sperm in the same sentence ever again.
This is the 4 year anniversary of the last time I shit my pants. Let's get drunk...
i just saw a man pushing two thirtys of beers in a stroller while his little kid ran to keep up. father of the year
Did we have sex last night or did we just wake up naked covered in oil?
i miss our vodka / percocet laundry days.
Rather than admit to myself he's hooking up with her right now, I choose to believe that he's not responding because he's masturbating to my picture, distraught over his poor choice, and trying to forget about the one that got away with a heavy dose of meth.
We were having an argument with his friends mom about whether it was worse that he bootycalled me at 4 a.m. or that I bootycalled him at 12 in the afternoon
We can do this. We've been drunk at a gay bar, we will not be taken down by a Tuesday.
Since the world is still here you can go ahead and disregard those pictures I sent
Just broke my no shot rule again.. Made out with a stranger. That's 0 for 3 this month for the record
My RA just sigh me high as fuck acting like a zombie and scratching at my door. Thoughts?
Yo I get this girl alone in my room last night but she bounces cus she thought the full house poster was "weird"
I'm just glad I met someone who probably won't punch you in the face
I woke up and there was a tiny sombrero on my penis. Care to explain?
Randomize
