I just heard a mom tell her toddler son "shut the fuck up. Don't ask me to buy you shit when i'm taking u to go see some fucking animals" welcome to the bronx.
he chased her out of the bar yelling "TAKE MY VIRGINITY" and i havent seen her since
i wanna stay in my bed and fart for a few more hours
hooked up with a girl who spoke elfish last night..what up 8th grade lord of the rings fantasies
the liquor store lady asked about three times if I was sure about buying two fifths of everclear. i told her I wanted to be on cops
Your cat is quite the conversationalist after some tequila and shrooms
Some idiot from high school is in the hospital for bonging three beers up his ass
He should have died. Natural selection.
Do me a favor. Next time I think it's a good idea to take pulls from the handle, yell "FALCON PUNCH" and uppercut me in the taint. My future liver thanks you.
Recycling day makes me feel more like an alcoholic than regular days.
Btw he dated my mom. You're Eskimo siblings with my mom. Good job.
He sent me a picture of him trying to push his cock into a Gatorade bottle. I dont know if I'm impressed it didn't fit and disgusted that he sent me something so vile.
I wear drunk well.
I gave your mom a discount on her coffee, its my way to say thanks for having a son that makes me come every time
Just stopped at a cross walk because the light turned red 3 streets down. I'm way too high.
I know you’re not my dad, but you’re someone dad. And you’re also like a second dad to me who I also send nudes to as well. Happy Father’s Day
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