I Once took so much Ecstacy that I tried to hug a fire.
Someone wrote that you're a whore in one of the bathroom stalls
I didn't know I was popular enough to be hated. This is awesome
Just made a Mimosa with Chardonnay and Emergen-C.
Tell me the dirtiest joke you know
Sarah Palin
god, I love you
She's licking the seat belt now. Feeling a little uncomfortable
I literally might walk of shame home on a cable car. If that doesn't scream San Francisco I don't know what does
You left me on the phone while you grabbed a plastic bag and started puking. I recorded it. Its my new ringtone for you
I considered my 2012 starting right when the cop followed the wrong car for the bottle rocket we shot at him
Unfortunately, the Bilbo Baggins adventure side of me that likes to go on adventures appears to be losing to the side of me that likes to smoke weed in the bathtub and watch Workaholics.
He's only done it missionary. His world is about to be rocked. Do you know what I look like from behind?
Exactly man. Who needs doctors when you have vodka and hot knives.
We got kicked out of yet another strip club because your mom wanted to "show these kiddies how it's done"
yea so the plan to relive our college glory days was great and all but ending up in the er with alcohol poisoning was crossing the line
Do u think the bouncer will let me in with a giant stuffed snake?
Do you just want me to shit in a Jack-o-latern
Randomize
