It was just pointed out to me in a meeting that there is a lipstick stain on my crotch.
btw, her name was actually Alixx. in retrospect, it was pretty much a gimme
He told me his mother taught him that move. What the hell do I say to that?
I imagine anything that isn't a dilldo attached to a jackhammer, powered by a generator won't be amazing enough for you
Talking about the game in the closet with a banana wearing sunglasses.
I'm pretty sure there was a language barrier but he knew what "harder" meant.
Spent the entire ride home from downtown trying to convince designated dawgs to drop us off at waffle house instead of our apartment. i told them it was my house...they didn't buy it.
He sent me an email apologizing for sleeping with her...and by that I mean he sent a picture of his dick to my school e-mail
Is it rude to ask for an autograph after giving him a blowjob in their hotel's hot tub?
I was cracking open beer cans, throwing them off the roof, and yelling "FRAG OUT!"
Pretty sure I used toilet water to wash vomit off my face last night...
Tinder date just called. I was supposed to be there 30 minutes ago but I'm on a 27 game win streak in Park...?
Fuck that man! Tell her your dog died or something. Reschedule that shit, you can't stop 2K at a time like that. Ball is life bro... Priorities.
i was so high when i left this morning that rather than make sandwiches i threw bread and peanut butter in my backpack. a whole loaf. and a whole jar
Blueberry probiotics greatly increase to the masturbation experience. Try it dude. It’s all the rage
But seriously like how many girls do you know that will do that on the first date?
One?
ONE! And it was was glorious!
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