so the weed I found in my fridge is actually lettuce. tell jim I need that 5 bucks after all
You slow danced with your carpet steamer last night.
So I feel bad, Ross is asking questions, I think they need to know it's a Spanish lesbian bar
Just so you know, if you are not feeling well today it's cause you drank a gatorade bottle full of highlighter fluid.
Come down. Bring Jorts. We're getting ready for this tricycle race like champions.
The money is just too good to quit doing it. I'm using the same justification strippers use.
I shit myself. Legit. And I burnt my tongue. Unrelated incidents, but related in the sense of general discomfort.
At least you got a round of applause for dancing like vanilla ice across the street and into the bar. Even as you were getting carded
Nothing like hearing "I found your pinky nail" before you even noticed it was missing.
Lmao I should put that ad on Craigslist "in need of muscular and determined team of men to carry drunken birthday whore safely home"
oh the usual. high as balls and crying about the hunger games.
My dick has a subreddit
She showed me her tits outside Taco Bell....After she flashed the dude working there in an effort to get in.
You fell out of his top bunk onto his set of golf clubs. After seeing blood on your leg, you proceeded to sing "the first cut is the deepest" while sprawled on the golf clubs
Let me know if you need some dick this weekend.
Between the BF being in town, partying at the Side Dick’s house tonight and two Tinder dates tomorrow I’ve got dick to spare!!
Randomize