She rubs her butt on the bed & then she growls..
Psycho is an understatement. U were running around the house screaming IM UNDER THE IMPERIOUS CURSE
i think there mostly mad about the fact it was 6 pm not the fact i blew a .255
Most awkward car ride ever. Kid in the front seat was bawling, 2 in the backseat were ready to fight, and I was giving the last kid a handie. This needs to stop happening to us.
Hold on I'm doing something revolutionary that blossomed from a high idea
i've never been that scared in my life. i ran naked into the corner and he just stood there trying to shield his boner from the light.
Instead of more alcohol, I decided to drink tea. Lets slow clap it out for me
Yeah but if you conceived a child on a park slide that would be pretty awesome
alcohol and riverdancing are a dangerous mix. have a spraind ankle. i die now
It's five in the morning. wtf?
We are actually the same person except with opposite genitalia, which are both incredible.
I just wish the first erections of my life didn't take place at a dentists office but hey whatever I turned out alright
I had to carry him up the hill while he was wearing nothing but knee high socks and a blue glitter sequin leotard.
Why is this not a picture message?
My boss asked me to pass over one of my business cards and instead I had condoms fall out of my wallet, how’s your day going??
One lesson I've learned so far from college: You've always got time for one more shot. Always
I was so drunk I got motion sickness from sex.
Randomize
