Are you drinking alone?
no, i'm watching house
That doesn't count.
wtf, then i'm always alone
He called me an ungrateful bitch because I lauged when he asked me "how do you me and a bed sound?"
Like I should be grateful for the 5 minutes I sit on top of him and stare at the wall.
P.S. I can't hear my feet
So it wasn't until I came that he pointed out the glow in the dark plastic star still stuck to my forehead. Fun times.
the girl I was having sex with just mumbled victory for msu during sex. i love basketball season
Left for charity run at 5AM. Saw a pigeon eating last night's vomit and a pair of shame-walkers in high heels. Nature at it's finest.
To celebrate your birthday last night, I got drunk and sang drift away in buffalo wild wings. Happy birthday. The entire bar sang the chorus with me. It was magical.
The cop told you to put your hands behind your back and you slurred "I'm not falling for that again"
I'll get you through man, I'll be your fairy godmother with better prescription drugs
So I get to my parents and walk in the door so my mom knows I'm safe and alive and my grandpa looks at me and says "were you being someone's bitch". And I about died of laughter
Wow, he seems so solid
In your alcohol circus, can my act be juggling men? Let's be real, I can juggle multiple dick buddies better than a professional
I thought he was foreign, but it turns out when you're that drunk, an Ohio accent just sounds Russian.
Validation I posted a good pic? The lonely fuckboys send out the booty call signal. Of course I answered the call; Gotham needs its hero.
They cut me off when I tried to pee in the corner of the bar.
Seriously if we go to rome ur fucking me into the sunset on a wrought iron balcony overlooking Vatican City
Randomize
