Funny, my mom didn't get it when I said 'that's what she said' after she said 'it's so thick, it's impossible' in reference to my milkshake
I miss having pregnancy scares ....at least i knew i was having a good time
So what's the moral of this story? Aside from 'lesbians hold grudges'?
Sketchest drug deal yet.... I just got paid in quarters and chucky chesse tokens. I need to stop hooking my friends up.
Sandwiches are there for you when porn isn't.
Yeah I had to push her down the hallway to the hotel room in a luggage carrier. The guy at the desk told me goodluck
What shirt can I wear out that says 'I may have a broken arm, but it's not the one I give handjobs with'?
It's okay, I found my phone in the toaster oven. Logical explanation: 5 martinis
Trust me man, I did not put any cookies down your pants when you slept.
somehow he and i always have our deepest conversations after phone sex.
I just hope when I turn 21, it doesn't tank my entire semester.
The length of my leg hair is a constant reminder of how long it's been since I even thought I had a chance of getting laid.
How do you initiate sexting are u supposed to be like yo I'm peeing and eating a clif bar and texting and thinking about you naked all at the same time
Can you get an STD by sharing underwear? Walk of shamed home and realized I was wearing someone else’s panties
No one knows. This doesn’t happen to normal people.
I never thought I'd be on my couch watching Star Trek, getting my tits rubbed while crying.
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