I'm going to but the new Playboy with Chelsea Handler on the cover. I'm pretty sure it's the only time buying a Playboy will make me gayer...
hot ketchup is not a substitute for marinara
he took off my shirt and said 'oh my god the legends are true'
I really wanna talk..
if by talk you mean have nasty makeup sex involving marshmellow fluff.. I'm down
It was unlikely that the relationship was going to end with anything other than antibiotics.
is it bad that upon arriving to my fourth sex toy party the sex toy lady instantly recognizes me?
Mark my words im gonna be the drunkest groomsman outta spite for him having his wedding on a gameday
If i evwr doyble fist jack daniels and smirnoff again, i hereby give you permission to take them both away grom me and give me and give me a glass of wat
he had the kids march single file in front of us on the way home so they didn't have to watch him pulling me passed out in their wagon...
We got security called on us. Apparently the wedding down the street didn't appreciate the trespassing or our loud as fuck rendition of We Are Young.
She sat on the toilet backwards so that she could hold onto the back part for balance. No she's not ready to go home.
Pulled a muscle in my back masturbating. But still listed as probable.
I know but at least you've never been asked to have sex dressed up like Catwoman
...and now I welcome the sweet embrace of death.
He is married, and has a regrettably large penis. I need to find another one right away to get myself out of this mess.
How big does a penis have to be before it becomes regrettably so?
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