Do you think they'll have a special part during the BET awards for Michael Jackson even though he turned white?
dear sober me, don't br the first to open the fridge in the morning
Fucking Canada. At least when they wake up tomorrow they're still in Canada
After I finished inserting the catheter he said he thought my name was familiar. Didn't have the nerve to tell him he was my fifth grade teacher.
It was one of those nights where you get back from the bar and end up staying up till 3AM beating off to facebook photos of girls from college
So I've discovered that being hungover at 25 feels the same as being hungover at 24. Happy Birthday to me.
It's like he drunk calls 6 times for me to come over, but can't say hello at lunch.
Come over. Bring cocaine. And my t shirt with the dolphin on it.
It's not my fault, Tequila turned all my alarms off.
At the light, his mom pulled up next to us while I was giving him road head. He forgot to tell me she was meeting us at the movie. So long story short, I convinced her I drove myself, pick me up in 20.
I felt like a slutty ass cruella devil driving your old car, And I got in a fight with your wipers
Let’s try it, I’ve never had a bad time with sex, tacos and beer.
i gotta say this to some one...... my penis feels sooooooooo sooooooft, its amazing
like for real, sooooooooooooooo smoooooooooooooth its amazing
I can't wait for you to read this text tomorrow
I had sex while watching Lord of the Rings last night. I think I just reached a new level of nerd.
I don't actually like you. I just want to hook up with you.
I'm fine with that
Randomize
