She took her shirt off and was broader than Dwight Howard.
also. he gave me a foot massage during 69ing when i got a cramp. he's a winner.
as it turns out, there is no "i was in the pool" excuse for adderall-induced shrinkage.
She's the perfect storm when it comes to psycho stalkers
EARTHQUAKE STATUS DRINKING GAME
I got really upset at the McDonald's worker. They should serve nuggets 24/7. Apparently 5am is breakfast for some people.
If you were more comfortable around gay men, then you too could get wasted at the gay dance club and go home with hot girls.
I was telling everyone at the frat that they had to try the "fantastic refreshment" that was everclear, vodka and country time
It hurts to hear and I can smell shapes.
I told her I had a small penis. Then replied if Peter Pan won with a dagger then so can I
You're the best friend ever. I wouldn't want to do the walk of shame with anyone else.
I just had a 30-minute convo with an irrelevant fuckboy from college who decided to tell me FOUR years later he’s sorry for sleeping with 3 girls at once including me.
All I’ve had today is sex and water. I think it’s time for tacos.
can you take a pic of your glorious tits but not send it just yet? I need motivation to finish this bull shit presentation.
As much as I hate to admit it, some day ill need a man because I can't open jars myself and you can't 69 a dildo
Like I don't even know how to respond to this?
Randomize
