Wow, haven't had to deal with the 'stoned at the dinner table' scenario in a while
yeah, but i heard shes schizophrenic
i wouldn't even care dude, i'd fuck her and all 7 of her personalities.
There's a big hole in the wall at the dining hall. I hope we didn't do
My shirt is ruined. If I ever get the idea of doing a tequila shot through my nose ever again, shoot me.
me blowing you awake is the exact turn i want our relationship to take
He started screaming when he saw my dog. He thought it was a polar bear
I am seriously thinking about wearing a blanket as a cape. So when I pass out tonight the blanket might keep me warm.
Oh jesus...leave it to you to hit on not one but two guys who can't fuck you till marriage.
I almost had to fight a bird, and you know how scared I am of birds. It found that Percocet that I lost in the grass last week, I threw out my back when I launched myself at that little fucker.
I would rather her be sleeping with someone new than getting to go Harry Potter world before me...
So I ate half a jar of mayo because I thought it would cure a hangover. I thought wrong.
What happened to no more shots?
It went out the window just like my dreams
YOU JUST GOT OUT OF THE HOSPITAL AND YOU'RE ALREADY DRINKING?!
Unexpected pussy is the best kind. Never expected to get any from a stranger at my little brother's bar mitzvah.
Mazeltov!
Drinking is such a hassle. I wish I could just press a button and be drunk.
Randomize
