I'm at a bar that has girls so awful looking even you would not have sex with them.
Well... I doubt that.
I am a mess. Weirdest thing: I woke up with a hammer under my pillow. No idea why.
I just saw her punch a kid in the face.. i always knew she was the girl for me.
dude i have an english essay and a bio lab due tomorow
so basically your not goin out tonight?
who said that?
I legitimately just tried to piss above my head. I got to my chest at highest. There's piss everywhere.
I bruised my spine.. Jungle gyms were clearly not meant for sex.
Like if there was an award for best way to take a girls virginity, he would get a standing ovation. And first prize. Probably a bunch of roses too. That good.
random memory from the wedding, the bartender show us how to open the windows of the hotel and pee out of them
Lying on this bed is like lying on love and marshmallows and joy
did i send you the picture of me smiling with the magnum wrapper?
You should make us a hot pocket to split while I go throw up.
Pooping with Eye of the Tiger playing. Not a single fuck shall be given.
Let's drink lean at the 5 seconds of summer concert. Give the teens a glimpse into their future as dysfunctional adults holding desperately onto their youth. You in?
but dude how did I get so drunk?
Pretty sure it happened right after you poured a shot of Wild Turkey into your Budweiser, chugged it, and screamed "I. NEVER. BACK. DOWN!"
I think the heterosexuals across the hall are negotiating about breeding. How do I figure out which one is against it and back them up?
Randomize