Xanax induced break ups are the best. Since I'm a professional fiancee, I'm going to break up with them on Xanax from now on. It didn't hurt one tiiiiiny bit.
It really wasent that hard. The male one had a M and the woman one had a W. I just couldent comprehend that at the time.
my 12 year old sister just told me how admirable it was that i felt comfortable going out with my friends dressed "like that"
I already apologized. And I got cum in my eye in return, I say your night beats mine...
I tried to explain to the cop how we all have skeletons in our closets but he just wouldn't listen.
I fucked her wearing an American flag. Now here I am, awake, naked, and flag less. How do I report this to the police?
OMG IM A TIGER AND I LOVE ROARING
Oh fuck. There is like a human shit on the sidewalk. I hate this place.
buying a tattoo gun on ebay just sounded like a good idea at the time idk man
Wesley I'm sober and my body hurts. There wasn't much trust in any of those falls.
You don't know what lonely is until you've came in an Arby's Napkin
do you ever look at a card in your wallet and reminisce about all of the drugs youve done with it?
I'm in the kitchen making quiche for my fuck buddy and his wife. I'm probably not the chick to get dating advice from.
I was "singing along to the Lego Movie" high. Everything was not awesome
I can't wait to get to LA so I can punch her in the face
Randomize