If hangovers were people John Goodman would be living in my skull trying to eat the back of my eyes
my hangover today makes thursday's feel like a bubble bath.
thats the sluttiest christmas spirit ever.
dude you need a shock collar for some of the things you say when you're drunk.
She said I looked exactly like my dad. Then she made out with me. Should I be questionable?
Saying you need a hooker then asking me to have sex is NOT the way to get laid. Booty call 101.
My mind's like "He's a sexist pig" but my uterus is like "YOU SHALL BEAR HIM STRONG CHILDREN"
He stopped mid thrust ... To check snap chat .. From his roomie
Come on, what straight woman, gay man, or bi person HASN'T scrolled through Justin Trudeau pictures after a bad day?
I wrote myself a note last night telling me to tell you that you're the best person ever, and asking you not to tell me what I did, I think I'm trusting my drunk judgment on that one.
This is like the fourth time this month I've woken up hungover in someone's backyard
just saw those girls we met the other night. i happen to be wearing a bunny suit and driving your smart car. i think its safe to say thats a no go situation.
He adjusted my bra straps while I blew him.
gonna stay in tonight
and im a platypus. shotgun a beer and get your dick to this party. ive got some hot friends visiting
He howled at the moon then told me that if i were a dog he'd have sex with me...either i look like that girl or i need to stop going on blind dates. Period.
Randomize
