i have a $600 bill for my ER visit in which they did nothing but suggest to me that i am an alcoholic.
Whatever, she only has 293 friends, she cant afford to be defriending me..
Just jerked off to Cameron Diaz in "My Sister's Keeper". New low.
He took naked pictures of me and told me if I ever got to the Disney Channel level of fame he would help me out. I think i'm in love
i have a queen bed, a cherrywood bed frame, and gold sheets. how are you saying no to me right now?
How do I go about messaging a girl on a dating site whose little sister I've had a three some with...?
I'm beer bonging chocolate fondue. That's how my Valentines Day is going.
He offered to let her do a line of coke off his hard-on. She said she'd had that hard-on and it would be a bump, not a line. Everyone laughed. That's why he left.
So that answers the first question but not the second: how the fuck am I getting home?
But I mean how many guys can say they get blow jobs and grilled cheese with football
I got to her place and she was petting her cat and pounding vodka out of the bottle. She looked like Dr evil in yoga pants. She's nuttier than squirrell shit.
I haven't heard from him yet. He's either still asleep (which is entirely plausible..... There wasn't much sleeping happening last night) or he's robbing me blind. But I have renters insurance, so either way, I'm ok with it.
You spilt a drink on my couch, then used my dog to mop it up... you called her a mop dog, repeatedly
What are you gunna do with your life today
put it back together
You’ve seen my tits of course he broke his wedding vows
The same idiot-bubble, now just bigger and louder.
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