If the Four Horseman of the Apocalypse gang banged each other and had a kid, it would look like the creature I woke up next to this morning.
I'm on a cruise to the Bahamas and this text message is gunna cost me $10 but I need you to pray on my behalf for the things I'm about to do these 2 girls and what I did last night to a 35 year old mother of 3.
You said you were going inside to sober up and then you poured yourself a wine glass of warm gin
Yeah just got a blowjob at busch stadium during the cardinals game childhood dream realized
She slapped his drink out of his hand to get him to leave the bar while he and I were having an intense debate about the lyrics to mmmbop
Can I just say I love the fact that were in business with guys where I can write a hand job up hoes down text message
I can't believe you guys got into a sword fight over a chicken nugget
Oh, so that's where all the scratches came from...
Bought pregnancy tests in bulk off amazon. Kinda feel insulted that it asked if I wanted to subscribe for regular shipments.
There should be a Doritos delivery van or something.
so evidently blowing a guy does not mean he will say hi to you when he sees you in class.. in case you're ever wondering
I came so hard my entire leg seized. Her blowjob gave me a Charlie horse.
Ugh. My life is a never ending cycle of bad decisions and taquitos.
She was screaming and crying about how she couldn't find her middle finger. Then, she threw her body on to the pavement. Thats the last time we buy a freshmen a handle.
Stacy was in the bathroom puking, so he peed out the window. We were eight stories up.
I'd give my right arm to start my period. My right arm. Thats more significant then my left.
Randomize
