i keep telling myself in the mirror "get undrunk"
Just heard a guy discussing with someone else the amazing blow job you gave him. I’m in New York. Over 2 hours away from where you live. I have never been more proud.
It feels like I shit a light bulb that shattered on the way out.
i know you like preteen girls so i'm gonna offer you some advice...dump a bucket of glitter on yourself and walk into the sunlight. they will come running.
I just did the nutritional comparison between 2% milk and Bud Light Lime.. the beer had less calories, less carbs, and less fat. It's not looking good for milk in my life anymore
Get over here. It's an emergency. Just realized I haven't hd my mouth on a penis in two weeks. Get over here.
He fell off the roof... he clearly has not been preparing for summer.
I mean really it's like when you're super hungry and you can't decide what to eat, you just know you want food. This is that situation, but for my vagina
just threw up what i'm pretty sure look like contents of a lava lamp
I'm fighting fire with fire. When my parents interrogate me about what I was doing last night, I tell them the truth. Every disgusting, awkward detail. I'm 23 now and they need to get used to it.
today is just not my day... it could be raining penises and I would get hit in the face by a vag
Tried making out with pop rocks in my mouth. That shit is magical.
every time someone would wish me happy birthday I would be like "thanks happy birthday to you too"
Your girlfriend agreed to a threesome, I saw dogs in a bar. It seems life is falling into place for us
Well the cops were called after the kid fell, but we saw 4 cute guys from our window while it was going down, so it wasn't all that bad.
Randomize
