tonight, alcohol would be proud of us
I'm not 100% on this, but I'm pretty sure I just accidently talked my way into a threesome.
I'm quitting my job and I'm just going to become a professional drunk girls mistake.
Her pussy was so beautiful. That's what I'LL miss the most. Not the omelets. You're the roommate, obviously our priorities on this situation are vastly different.
WHAT THE FUCK. SUCH A BAD IDEA. YOU'RE NO LONGER IN CHARGE OF NOSE SUBSTANCES.
Good point, clearly my love of penis contributed to my torn knee ligament.
Casually brushing the Bacardi out of my hair. It's a good time to ponder regretting everything that happened last night.
I feel as if the hash cupcakes on top of mushroom chocolates was a little excessive last night
Just got back from the tanning beds. I'm a lobster. I fear for the safety of my nipples falling off.
Did I really drink that whole bottle of Jack Daniels last night?
Heroically.
I got picked up after "I just threw up in my face". Then I had very specific instructions involving the bathtub.
You have mono. It's like being pregnant, your are excused from normal social niceties like responding to people.
he'll always be the guy that i fucked on the bathroom floor
literally just tried sending to someone a video of me jerkin but my phone was connected to Apple TV and it literally just played on the tv in a full room and I'm actually about to shit myself
I told the person I was on the phone with to hold on while I looked for my phone. I think it's time to stop doing dabs.
Randomize
