fyi, i just bought my first strap-on. the little mermaid theme song was playing in the background.
I am so fucking pissed, there are no Shamwows in the As Seen on TV Store.
Looks like you'll have to stick to jizzing in socks.
The Mets? Come back? That'd be like Nickelback writing a good song.
You yelled "bananas are an excellent source of pottasium!"4 times in the middle of class. how do you not remember?
I don't even know what potassium is.
and all i could think about was how mcdonalds would not be open anymore after we were done having sex
They woke me up at 6am and made me drink a bottle pf champagne yelling "champagne breakfast!"
The cop was more concerned with the fact I had cowboy boots on with shorts than the fact we were under age
DO IT, or I'll send you pictures of my hickey to remind you of your loneliness
We both got free alcohol and got laid by foreign men last night.
I'm not going out again for the rest of my life. I can't top this.
Discovery: bouncers seem to get really upset about fire
In honor of Dennis Farina dying, I'm offering up free mustache rides...2 takers so far.
So I'm just casually at the grocery store when I remember that there's still a clove of garlic in my vagina
My Easter Basket from my parents consisted of one chocolate bunny and a massive amount of condoms and a single note saying "the pope approves of the use of condoms" love mom and dad
While strippers were eating ones out of my boobs, several sources claimed trump shared classified info with the russians. We should get hammered on Mondays more often, bitch.
Definitely didn't just make out with a guy the same height as me just because we wanted to see what it would be like to not have to reach up....
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