What did we do last night that was yellow?
I hope no one judges me for becoming a facebook fan of "Adderall" at 5:49 AM...
my life is one jail cell away from being a bad country music song.
Have introduced beer-pong to my work's Tuesday lunches.
thanks for leaving the note with the doctor's recommendations for my lip, they are dissolvable stitches right?
i officially have over $300 in my bank account. that's a year's worth of chipotle.
You gave your boss a bj to get the safe employee of the month award?
dude he's still passed out in my bathtub. and his dick is half way in a 40 bottle... i really hope he was just trying to piss in it
He told me I look like a librarian today. I hope that means he has a librarian fetish or something
Disregard. He says he said I look "agrarian" today and just proceeded to compare me to Mumford and Sons. Fuck it, I'm going home and drinking
I'm pretty sure male strippers are the last things I need in my life right now.
Happy 4th. Did you guys get your syphilis thing taken care of?
He said he loves me but he haven't eaten me out yet. So I don't think he means it.
I was so horny last night, I failed to let him know about my current bed bug infestation.
I guess I'm famous. Hot lesbian was WARNED about me. Still hooked up with her.
I'll pay you to teach me.
I blame her lesbian super powers of coercion.
Randomize
