she asked me if the dress made her look fat, i told her no - the fat made her look fat.
he just said he'd buy the porn
its a step up from the last guy
we used that portable toilet as a cooler to keep coronas. next person who tells me hospitals arn't fun needs to come party in rm 180.
let's get her a shirt that says "i went to key west for spring break and all i got was this illegitimate child."
GOING OUT OF BUSINESS: we're having a foreclosure party tonight...We'll also be raffling off a washer/dryer, microwave and a white tiger head.
Get to the bar. Power hour leading up to the rapture.
First day of class and I'm in a bar drinking pitcher #3. Foreshadowing?
He smashed a plastic chair leg on a tree stump, threw himself into the side of our metal enclosure, stomped on the wreckage for a bit and then punched the fire.
I ate her out for so long I might actually shit a vagina
FYI, Sammie and I made the executive decision that we're getting a pet octopus and keeping it in the ballpit. Just thought you should know.
You know, I've never slept in a rug with anyone before you
K, im gonna wait to get my dick pierced so we can do it as a family function.
My 7 yo sister is trying to talk my mom into buying her a strawberry margarita. Happy Cinco de Mayo.
Also while I’m drunk I saw your penis in like 4th grade when I walked past the boys bathroom
3 hour lecture of my biology teacher talking about isotopes and space shuttles. I'm way too high for this.
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