Dipping chips in queso and thinking of your beautiful face
He ate me out and then left in a hurry and shouted "Sorry to dine and dash" as he left my house
mom just texted me "hawaii ambien". those are like the two things she talks about to keep me interested in spending time with her.
Just witnessed a circumcision at clinical. i suddenly feel a sense of reconciliation over every guy who's done me dirty...
Just found bud in my hair....gotta love curls
It was a legit night tell he threw a snowball in the bar, thats when I knew it was time to go to the next bar.
come help me. im curled up in the fetal position on the upper floor of the lib. please bring more caffeine or alcohol
its ok. its hell week the lib is a no judgment zone right now
Um...any recollection of peeing in the pantry
Post-sex nachos deserve a song.
Fuck. I have to get my shit together by lunch. Mission impossible.
In her defense, she didn't know I had a twin brother. Plus, we're even: I banged her sister.
I swear, I make more use of my creative writing major with sexting than I do with anything else
I put on that one song on Titanic so he'd fall asleep. When I was positive he'd passed out in a drunken fit, he outstretches his arms and says "I'm flying, Jack.."
I would really like it if you guys got out of my bush
I just want to find somebody intelligent enough to trick my parents into thinking she's not a trophy wife. Is that too much to ask?
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