Have you ever noticed that nowhere is the same thing as now here, i get my best ideas when i smoke
Well the bottom line is that I had to completely coat my testicles in Neosporin.
If Andre Agassi did Crystal Meth, what was John McEnroe doing?
So the dentist told me I couldn't suck on anything. She emphasized ANYthing.
he made a joke about you fucking his daughter...i think youre golden
You didn't see us wave? How could you not? We were all going like 10mph screaming at you. We were stoned and didnt wanna run over pedestrians
You had me at "mimosas" several texts ago.
I was going to say I needed the exercise but now all I can think about is BJs
My work here is done
After we had sex he made me watch a Top Gun highlight video...
Her craziness is the sexiest thing about her.
I can't wait to read your obituary.
either I'm really high or that last bong rip tasted like christmas
Opened the browser on my phone to a web search for midget birth rates per capita. A good night.
He got you flowers. How bad can the sex really be?
How do you explain to your mom that you let your friend stab you in the leg while drunk and high on coke?
PSA Do not blow dry your junk.
Randomize
