we all know badassery is carried on the XX chromosome
I just made bacon chili cheese fries for dinner...someday my kids are going to realize I'm a stoner & this will all make sense
I don't think he wanted to hear that my most serious relationship was my 1 1/2 year fuck buddy... I think he figured out that's where he's heading
There's no point in calling it Big Titties Tuesday if girls with big tits don't get anything special
Why is it that every study session with you turns into a hunt for drugs?
Also I feel that I would be a hell of a sled dog operator.
I have to finish a biography for history and write a review on it so naturally I was like "getting high will make this more bearable" and now I'm basically inside the book at the revolutionary war with this guy.
I shouldn't be that hard, but i cant exactly put "a guy to tie me up and fuck me and then brush my hair" in my dating profile
No lie. I was hooking up with a former football player at UT and mid-hookup I yelled "I'M FRATERNIZING WITH THE ENEMY"
I'm on my way back with the wine... And a puppy. It was free.
Never thought having a box of Cheerios could get me laid. My new lucky charm hello girl in 2B
You offered the police officer a Snickers ice cream bar and cried when he wouldn't take it...
We need to get Harry and Lloyd's tuxedos from Dumb and Dumber. I feel like this is a vital thing that is missing from our lives.
Note to self: Calvin Klein's are not safe to shit in.
I thought we agreed to no sexting at the school bake sale...
Randomize
