The cab driver just finished telling me how leaving community college after one month was the best desicion he ever made.
i just went to use the bathroom this morning and I couldn't because there was someone puking in every stall. i'm going to miss the dorms this summer
you pissed in the sink and didnt realize it until it was time to wash your hands
Nothing says I've got my life together like buying a jumbo bottle of 7$ wine in sweat pants on a monday night
how did the keg end up in the top bunk?
he kept yelling THIS ISNT AMATEUR HOUR
This is a test of Andrews drunk texting, had this been an actual drunk text, all the words would be spelled incorrectly and would be missing key verbs and nouns, followed by a request to not get fired.
I like how he had to correct himself in stating that I was the fat one in the threesome.
Im walking to an ob gyn practice session right now. Literally have to get face first in a middleaged vagina in 10 min.
Road trip to buy me a baby zebra..are you in or are you in?
I don't trust his life but I trust his penis.
Text me later if you aren't dead and wanna have a drink later
Tonight I'm getting fucked up for America because Lord knows we need it.
How drunk are you?
Completed.
The lady in the stall next to me just screamed "why are you so hairy!?" and "why can't you get any!?" to her vagina. WTF
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