Who knew there were guys that wanted to only stalk you instead of date you? Count on me to find them!
Ugh, here's a dating tip. Hairy legs are a major turn off
Either she got face surgery at midnight, or i need to stop drinking...
Right when I walked into the party my boyfriend stood up and yelled, "HEY TITS, GET ME A BEER!"
CANT TOUCH THIS JUST CAME ON MY IPOD. LOVE STEVE JOBS
I NEED TO NOT REMEMBER THIS IN THE MORNING. He is our TEACHER.
Can we hire someone to dj while we have sex?
Do you know anything about the Easter basket sitting on my doorstep filled with porn and peeps?
Apparently she was filling Miller Lite bottles with water because I refused to be seen drinking water in a bar
Either I spilled whiskey on my boobs last night or they are fermenting. Not concerned in the slightest
Suddenly I feel like all I did this summer was have sex in our apartment
That's why we don't trade sex for Taco Bell. It's called the dollar menu.
You throw up behind 1 mannequin and it's world war 3 in forever 21
Just went to Meijer. Purchased furnace filters, fishing line, red lipstick and pregnancy test. And if my purchase alone wasn't classy enough, I took the pregnancy test in the Meijer bathroom because Im on my way to the bar and wanted to know if that was a good idea or not. Cheers to no babies!
I once left mine in my bra and I forgot and I didn't notice it was there until it vibrated.
Randomize
