2:23 am: come sit on my lap i have a stick that'll keep you in place
Bc you can definitely buy condoms if ur a 14 year old girl
ummm i just drove by ur house and ur passed out on the porch. please call me when u get this
That was a $3000 rug we rolled him down the hill in.
Your engaged. Stop telling guys you will sit on their face. They don't always know your kidding.
I flashed some kids doing a church car wash. I feel like I really improved the quality of their lives.
its 2pm. u awake yet?
ill text u back later. still peeling fingernail polish off my face.
I smoked that joint really fast and now I'm so high I'm crawling around on all 4 giving my dogs piggie back rides pretending its the macy day parade for dogs and I'm their giant human float.
He just pulled out my weave during sex....needless to say I'm embarrassed and in need of another shot pronto
And if you haven't kicked a pigeon you haven't started your morning right
She sent me a thank you card for not fucking her boyfriend...
Everything is fine, it's not hung over in here at all\n\n*Narrator* *but in fact everything was not fine*
Well I've decided to refuse to conform to society and be naked the rest of the day.
I love you more than sex with randoms.... and we all know how much I love that shit.
She then told me, and I quote "I want to send you nudes just to see how you'd react."
Randomize
