You know you want to come over later
1:27a: Um no
1:45a: Maybe
2:05a: Probably
2:38a: I'm outside, let me in
I'm thinking about that time I was in a trashbag and you spray painted my hair yellow
You were humming mission impossible as we ran from the cops
Believe it or not, Travis and I simultaneously breaking beer bottles over eachothers heads was not a good idea.
apparently it's a turnoff if you ask a guy why he thinks he needs to use magnums
Had "I should be in prison or dead" storytime at the bar. Found out James has done blow off a dead guy. Overwhelmed and speechless.
I'm going to die alone in my chair and get eaten by my cat. That kind of break up.
That kid i sell weed to just had his mom give him a ride over here she waited in the car while he bought a bag
not a day goes by that I don't wish you were here or I there. Today it was because I had the desire to get high and go look at the jellyfish at the aquarium and you're the perfect buddy for that.
How did you not realize the handbrakes were stuck?
I thought I was just out of shape.
I think I fell asleep on the dance floor at one point...but played it off cool and acted like I just did the robot.
Duck, Duck, Goose is now the autocorrect, safe for work version of fuck, fuck, loose.
Driving, getting head and talking to your boss on the phone is not a good combination. I nearly died
That guy I hooked up with in new york last 2 statuses are "I'm going to be a father, it's a girl" then "wow syphilis sure does burn" I'm legit scared... What has my life come to.
On a scale of having tea with Ghandi to the apocalypse how bad of an idea is it to drink with a 100 degree fever?
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