Black Friday shoppers are ridiculous. I think I just watched a marriage end.
it was like brushing your tongue but with a fucking long toothbrush.
There's always time for handjobs
"Home for the holidays" isn't clearance to fuck the recently 18 year old high schooler right?
Nope, his last birthday was.
We are buying drugs from a guy with a Jesus fish on his dodge caravan.
See, the Lortab wasn't working enough, so I thought "hey, vodka can speed that up! That's how science works!" Which probably should've been my indication that the Lortab was in fact working
i can't believe i'm giving you sex advice.
i've gotten sex advice under stranger situations. like while giving a blowjob behind the communications building.
I seriously just drove by a man walking down the street wearing hospital scrubs, an 80s track jacket, gold necklace and carrying a flute.
If I'm going to risk life and limb to wear a Wings jersey to the Garden next week, the least they can do is win.
And the most would be ending up in bed with one of them.
Me and Jason had to grab your legs and arms and drag you in the house. You kept screaming "leave me for dead"
When we missed a fist bump and simultaneously did the Rocket Power handshake I knew I was going to blow him.
You could see the bone sticking out of his shin and he insisted he was "just gunna walk it off"
They asked me my level of pain at the hospital and I told them I called my ex 6 times
There's a big difference between a penis and a toilet.
Standing naked in my kitchen making nachos. I love my youth.
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