I just heard a girl in all seriousness say, "I told him I'm not a stalker. I just really really want to talk to him."
then you asked me to turn your jeans into "jorts" just long enough to cover your ballsack
well after we realized that his best friend and my twin sister were hooking up it was kind of an unsopken agreement that we would too
Why do I have peacock feathers super glued to my body?
should my break up email to my English professor be in MLA format?
Is there a word for someone who only has sex with NFL prospects?
my car smells like vomit and bananas. this can't really be my life.
How am I supposed to be friends with him when there's an exact replica of his dick in my underwear drawer?
He was spooning with the dog when I came home. Now shes afriad to go near him. Should I ask?
Have a glass of wine with dinner they said. Your hydrocodone has worn off they said... NOPE
I beer bonged before it even hit 4 o' clock. Please get on my level homecoming style.
Statistics show that guys with slightly higher IQ scores and overly-trimmed eyebrows have micro penises. It's science.
we need to make pact to not cut each other's hair on coke and whiskey nights.
While I agree, I dont think thats realistically possible
She actually made an event on facebook for tomorrow when she does a pregnancy test, 8 people are attenting so far
You just sent a mass text asking if anyone ever drank the blood of a goat in the glorious name of Satan...after that we confiscated any writing utensil
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