My cousin's wedding had personal beer funnels for each table and a drinking game against the bride and groom. im sorry for ever calling you white trash
A homeless guy asked you to feel your boobs, you accepted in exchange for his broom to go with your witch costume..... that's when I cut you off
Great. My funeral dress now smells of smoke and disappointing sex.
you kept telling her you'd make a great step-dad while cuddling her and rubbing her back...
I'm functioning at the level of a challenged walrus.
Oh and jess is gonna pee in our guest bedroom to mark her territory.
i refuse to be around anyone not wearing a sombrero...its cinco de mayo
Ran into his mom at the bar, i told her "i know he's married now but I'd still do him"
Can't you just imagine you've grudge fucked me so we can get past this?
Apparently I have decided there are no repercussions for my actions
I'm trying to blow this guy down here can you please get my husband out of the house.
God help them if any millennials are in the vicinity. Rent is too high and we no longer fear death
God does not give you boobs that amazing to not share them with your friends
I got really worried when i woke up and there weren't any missed booty calls from him between 3 and 5 am. Apparently his gf is in town ...
Got everyone out of my house, somehow managed to put all my lawn furniture back, puked in my sink, and cleaned it up all while black out drunk before my parents came home. Successful night.
Randomize
