Spring semester is just not the same w/o you
After last night, I could never be a politician.
i waited two years for her to sleep with me. it just didnt seem worth it.
she lost her virginity three hours after you dumped her.
are you serious?
you googled "nude photos of celebrities you wouldn't expect to have nude photos", puked into the beer bong, and then laughed
I somehow fell asleep on my kitchen counter using the microwave as a pillow
He got arrested in front of the church last night. Looks like we need to find a new location for the wedding.
random memory from the wedding, the bartender show us how to open the windows of the hotel and pee out of them
The girl that works the front desk at my gym invited me and my friend to come see her Tuesday during her shift at hooters because its her birthday. I still have a boner
Well I checked the bush outside his apartment building this morning, and he wasn't there... So I knew he was home.
They're frat boys at heart and have sickly, dusty, rotting souls.
I haven't been sober in 4 days.
Then be sober
No.
Are you coming down for 4/20 or does Easter kinda fuck that up for you?
I'm going to get high and eat ice cream until the pain goes away. You're welcome to join.
I mean. I'm excited for the Seahawks too. I just love nachos.
Turns out your granddad is cooler than you. We're taking him on our New year's eve pub crawl instead. Sorry.
Randomize
