I was just told by a cop that my party was the most epic party they ever crashed
I love how all the girls on the plan b commercial wake up alone.. Like me
All I wanted to tell you is that I fucked a guy covered in fake blood, who circumcised himself.
You are two creepy Justin Bieber quotes away from me not talking to you for the rest of the day
If I had a pelvic thrust emoticon, I would use it
you can SEE the outline of a pad through her jeans. there is no way
Exactly. So he deserves crazy "thanks for keeping me out of jail" sex. Or an "I'm glad your excessive cocaine habit had some positive outcomes" blowjob.
Called Jeff last night and told him I wanted to have sex in the airport terminal. Blackout Brooke definitely came out last night.
Fuckers are stealing our internet and making my porn stream slowly so I changed the password for VanceRefrigeration to RyansaCunt. No spaces but capitalization.
Found out last night that "Everclear" is Spanish for "shit got weird"...
Please tell me you have Advil or Tylenol or ibuprofen or a fucking baseball bat
I did my walk of shame through a safeway at 8am to get YOUR hangover bagels. You're welcome asshole
he has a party story that rivals our "PTSD- soldier-with-a-knife" party story. I'm pretty sure this is part of some prophecy.
You've seen the quality of dick pics I normally get. The bar is high.
I woke up at 3am, top off, with campus security telling me to get dressed. Tonight was a GOOD NIGHT
when your dumb AF ex “accidentally” venmos you $50 and texts you asking for it back..... —sorry I accidentally deleted your number and cashed out
Randomize
