I feel like my sweat is 40 proof right now
I hate fucking guys that don't drink coffee. My morning hangover and shame will not be cured by your stupid tea.
Ask him about the girl he took home Saturday night. I swear she voted for Kennedy.
Ur keys r in ur purse. ur purse is on the couch. ur cigs r on ur front seat. u drank all ur wine. mollie took ur jkt bc u cockblocked her. and in case anyone asks, the saints won 31-17.
If I was there, I'd make you a vicodin spiked sandwich.
The djing cat is back again. I think he just makes appearances when im shit drunk just to fuck with my mind.
Duuuude. Everything is so brilliant right now. This frosting is freaking orgasmic.
It's vanilla, man. Accept no substitutes. There are so many t's in that word.
I knew it was time to stop when you guys were playing a drinking game called "every three steps take a drink"
I have vodka soaked strawberries. My latest tarot card reading hinted at a lesbian/bisexual coming out. I doubt I survive the night.
They took my balls.
you haven't really lived until you are in a situation where your vagina is hanging out
So apparently I initiate sex in my sleep
He serenaded me a cappella to Ed Sheeran. I wasn't going to leave his dick unsucked.
When she said "Tighten your safety belt and hold on!", that should have been a clear sign to me that one should never go off-roading in a rental car. On the bright side, they were able to tow her car out the next morning.
I just told my bowl "sorry" for putting it down, because I thought I hurt its feelings. omg. I'm high.
Randomize
