Di me a solid and hit me with your car.
so after the bed broke we walked out of the room to a standing ovation
please come get me his dick is out. i'm sitting on his couch and his dick is out. come now
She was crying and singing Taylor Swift on repeat. I'm never drinking with her again.
there are 10 yearolds here who keep calling me on the elbow rule!
Wait are they playing beer pong to?
They sext over her pic comments. Role playing as wolves.
If I ever write a book, i'm calling it "why do i work with fucktards?"
It'll be a good sequel to my other book, "why do i sleep with fucktards?"
If he comes over tomorrow, im answering the door naked. Simple as that.
My day in three words: secret purse cake
Thanks for setting a pic of your balls as my desktop background. You'll find you're cc'ed on the mass email of it.
I was drunk while I accepted my job offer. Here's to growing up.
If I woke up in a pillar of smoke I suppose that's a sign right
Just found out that my name comes from part of my mom's old stripper name.
Someone just needs to roll me into a blanket burrito and feed me drugs
no offense but you looked like shit yesterday
tequila is unforgiving..
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