Her little brother was home, so we had to hook up while playing hide and seek with him
how soon is too soon to introduce handcuffs into a relationship?
He just said "Chunky" very loudly in his sleep.
I realize now that I left my pants on that table in the downstairs bathroom at you house on Tuesday....
I'm really tired of your booty call eating my fruity pebbles.
they won't let me drive with my sombrero
All the alcohol I spilled on myself must have acted as a disinfectant or something. I haven't showered in three days and I still don't have a staph infection from sleeping on the lawn with you.
We had on the same team jersey so at the time it made sense to hook up.
Duh.
I'm looking for mother nature. And when I find her, I'm looking her right in the eyes and telling her to fuck off.
On a completely unrelated note I think I have carpal tunnel
Again, totally unrelated
I went to work hungover and threw up in the break room. Told them I was pregnant and then said I quit. I don't have a job now, thanks vodka.
The chances of me making out with someone next weekend are about the same as me not remembering it.
so dehydrated I couldn't fill the pee cup to the right line for my drug test for school. I was like sorry it was my birthday yesterday
New strategy for telling if someone is drunk: will they attempt to drink a candle if you put a straw in it?
I'm sorry I missed your birthday brunch. If it makes you feel any better I woke up wearing someone else's toga and a sombrero
Randomize
