All I seem to do lately is get myself off, take naked pictures and drink beer. I don't know if thats a good or bad thing.
the girl next to me just texted someone in her phone named Optimus Prime
...i wonder what he did to earn that nickname
Cop gave me a ticket for public drunkedness, and then I convinced him to drive me back to the party
I will also take that commission in the form of weed. Pass that on to the asst. manager.
But I mean, have you ever just LOOKED at how majestic penises are? They are like ivory columns of pure wonder!
I'd like to stay optimistic, but I have this nagging suspicion my penis is in for a disappointing holiday weekend.
I sleep texted my mom and asked her for a condom last night
Most desperate stoner moment; dropped our hard earned resin ball in the sand, rinsed it off and then did knife hits in the kitchen cuz we broke our only pipe
he wouldnt let me in bed until i took off all the stickers i was covered in
He came over apologized for his lack of sexual skills. Cleaned my kitchen cooked me dinner. And gave me another one minute stand. I think im okay with this
She leaned in close to me, made eye contact, and seriously whispered "I will eat your soul with bacon bits." I want whatever drug she was on.
I need a life alert for his random dick pics. My heart can't handle that.
I gave him head during Pitch Perfect 2, I felt like the Bella's were cheering me on with their back up tunes
Edible... I FEEL CLOSER TO THE UNIVERSE AND I DEF TRAVELED IN TIME. I THINK I CAN READ MINDS NOW.
sex on a bike is impossible
challenge accepted
Randomize
