Just met someone from Jersey. No fist pumps or jagerbombs. Kind of disappointed...
Alright this has to stop. Without adderall I don't even have the motivation to get laid. College has ruined me.
Just when you think you're never going to have sex again, BOOM you're naked in bed with a guatemalan
Yeah it was hard to find an opportunity while fucking him to say "oh the reason my lips taste so salty is because i blew your roomate 15 minutes ago"
So i learned you can't hair-of-a-dog jaeger hangovers.
I got to find out the airplane alcohol limit, and somehow I made it through the flight.
I'm trying to spell out I love you with a series of photos of my penis, but I just realized I can't do the Y of you
I am ina trunk. Iam in a trunnnnnjkk. I hope its yours. Oh manomanomano. Thids better be your trunk
Bonus points if someone shits their pants. Only 1/2 bonus points if it's you
Bonus points are bonus points regardless
They wont sell alcohol here on election day! HOW THE FUCK DO THEY EXPECT ME TO ENJOY THE ELECTION SOBER?
Fell asleep in the library, woke up because I almost let out a sleep fart. That was close.
And anyway at least being paid in opium makes a cool story
Please come to class. I miss you and I have a horse mask
Not my lover. I would rather lose all my teeth, and I fucking love my teeth.
Pretty sure he proposed because my house is awesome. His ass is a ten and he's offering to pay more than half the bills... How expensive is a divorce really? I mean I could probably put up with him for three or four years but a lifetime is a big ask.
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