How drunk are you??
I'm flawless.
you ever wonder how lesbians feel about girls being in relationships with other girls on facebook? could it annoy them more than it annoys me?
My history teacher just took his shirt off cuz the classroom was to hot. And then he invited us all to join him.
I told him we couldn't have sex because I was ovulating and "I come from fertile people."
Dude I still wanna know who I had sex with on new years eve
i just remebered that we smoked out my hamster yesterday...
i hope hes still alive. i just remember you give him a shit load of cereal and saying "trust me your going to need it"
if i can get a chik with a dibaetes pump naked a sling certainly isnt going to get in my way
Blackout me just wants to pee on sober me's dreams. Literally.
The pigeons can smell the fear
Wtf
Fuck that. I'm not afraid to die. I'll prove you can survive on a bagel bites and rum diet.
He ordered three small pizzas while I was giving him head.
You wrote me a check. For zero dollars. For my soul. Dick.
I got drunk and tried to make special rice krispie treats, but I made a mess and they were all stuck to my hands, so I just decided to eat my way out of the catastrophe and I think shit's about to get even weirder than usual.
Maybe snorting K off penises isn't healthy
I'm on my way to bail our sister out of jail with our mother's credit card. How old are we??
Randomize
