Old men and throwing up are my life now.
I was in the bathroom and heard my brother scream "YOU FAIL!!!", and I swear to GOD, I thought my penis was yelling at me.
Dude pussy is like music. For every person who pays for it, there are thousands more getting it for free.
i was way too optimistic last night... got back to my apartment and the porch light was still on, like i'd actually make it all the way home.
I waited so long to accept his friend request that he canceled it. So I added him and when he accepted I deleted him. I wonder how long this will be funny to me
The sound guy for the band told me id make a great valentines gift for his bisexual girlfriend
Memorial weekend is going to be amazeballs. Jungle juice, drunk guys, and my vagina being stimulated by the vibrations of a 4 wheeler. I mean there is no way that can go wrong.
Its a good night to get drunk in my onesie.
We would be rich. And the whole world would be stoned.
Oh Brad. Your poor brain, always being ignored for your penis and crazy women.
Some days you just pee in a stairwell and go home.
make that a herd of moose. they will be my moose minions
Um, It's tempting but I'm not into coke or farmers.
You were giving me all the reasons why being the big spoon is such a responsibility, and how you wish you were a girl cause the little spoon does nothing
I just said "you do you" to my penis.
Randomize
