if you come down to my room ill tell you a secret
Alcohol only hurts me because he loves me.
Just saw Youth in Revolt. There are only so many times Michael Cera can lose his virginity.
Could you please tell them to stop whispering "thundercunt" every time I walk in the room?
Sandwiches are there for you when porn isn't.
It's a Lindsey's Going to Jail Theme party.
He was more tolerable with alcohol in my system. I woke up to him squeezing me and telling me how he wanted to dip me in strawberry jam.
You asked her to play "the coma game" with you while hooking up, and then passed out in her bed. She couldn't wake you up so she slept on the floor.
Looks like I won that one
Every time I think about it I can feel His toe in my mouth and I gag, I'm scarred for life.
Some fat latino guy has these 2 fat white moms making out with each other on the dance floor
At the end of the date, he asked if he could kiss me. I really wanted to say "dude, I didn't shave for nothing"
Don't be the guy that has his dick out at work.
Like a gentleman I waited until you were done vomming to start my Big Mac.
I'm not in it for just the sex. If I wanted mediocre dick once a week I would have stayed with one of my exes.
I wasn't talking about him I meant his penis! Its not a pet
Oh. Well it should be. I like petting it.
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