the next pure michigan commercial i see, i am going to pee in a fucking lake
i'm saving my butt for my wedding night
They were so slutty we had to play "rarely have I ever."
where'd the toddler underneathe the beer pong table come from?
i went to a real vip club. the bathroom attendant was wiping down counters after girls wearing gucci did lines of coke on them. where did MY life go wrong
Made a joint out of my Yale rejection letter. Life is grand.
I'm in the room..It's full of lost souls and sadness. I can taste the salt of their tears. This final might take a few freshman today..
I was drunk petting a fox and taking shots of Jager. That's about as outdoorsy as it gets.
So that groomsmen was naked under his kilt. Also I just had sex in the elevator. And yes, those two updates are definitely related.
I peed sitting down because I knew standing was a lost cause
lets start a news segment called WHY IS LEOS CROTCH BURNING TODAY
I want to buy weed from this guy on Tinder but I'm not sure I should trust him...but it's free delivery
my morning attempts to try to have sex with him was interrupted by the passion of the christ parade going on outside my house
I really need to stop having sex.. I haven't been able to get a brush through the back of my hair for a good week and a half
If he doesn’t slap your ass with his drumsticks, then I don’t wanna hear about it.
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