Wine + wine + wine + wine + bud light = puke.
after eating me out, he asked for something to drink. i gave him a glass of water and he said he needed something stronger.
It'd be like medium rare by now.
I love how we're talking about your vagina like it's a piece of meat.
All I remember is lecturing my dog about how she's a lucky bitch to have a structured eating and shitting schedule.
Some kids in a school bus just saw me jacking off in my car. This is how 89% of children find out about sex.
I'm pretty sure I got a cavity today due to how many times I've puked hungover at work.
It's my vagina- remember its magical and yes I just did mini spirit fingers
This hurricane was the perfect excuse to buy 2 pounds of animal crackers and a case of beer. It's on Sandy.
Ya I don't think I'm going anywhere, a cum towel, beer, and Vicodin was just exchanged in our white elephant present game
his daughter has his phone and goesss ohhh boobies and shows me a picture of my own tits...
Forced to cancel my booty call due to the snowpocalypse. This crosses the line.
I have fence marks all over my body
I'm so sad at the lack of dick in my life I am going to get sauced and make rice krispy treats
So you think Jesus would be proud of me for walking of shame into my apartment 10 minutes before I told my parents I'd be over for Easter?
how did i manage to wake up with my bra on backwards?
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