We all just poured out a sip of our drinks for you. One for our pussy whipped homie.
I just said that Oprah is crazy and like 5 fat white girls jumped down my throat. I sat back and smiled.
the girl next to me in class is drinking a margarita out of a slurpee cup. i know your going to ask how i know its a margarita and the answer is i can smell the tequila. i never want to leave this place
Had sex on a washing machine in a pool of beer. Can you say success.
Im only pretending to be his friend so I can sleep with his girlfriend.
I'd rate him "doable" on a scale from "ew, run" to "you should've already fucked him".
That's about an "8" on normal scales.
Just did an upsidedown spineboard shot. Gotta love lifeguard parties.
Streaking across a girls college rugby game is probably the best, and most painful, decision I've ever made
Brought him brownies before taking his pants off. I'm like the Martha fucking Stewart of booty calls. Walk of shame be damned.
I just remembered you throwing bread at me and getting me to drink water out of a heineken bottle. You are my best friend.
I was so gone I thought the cops banging on my door were kids from the party trying to get into my room... needless to say, I started moaning louder so they would take the hint.
I need a genital shamwow being this wet.
how do you make "fuck me in the break room" sound casual?
My vibrator broke.
Dude it's been less than twelve hours. Did you sleep?
Don't worry about that. I need a new vibrator.
Our livers get a hall pass for 2020, right?
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