Firetruck pulls up, fireman jumps out n knocks on my door, asks "do you know where Johnny lives?"
hey what are you doing
hooking up with some marlborough girl. shes gorgeous!
i texted you because i like you, and i told my freinds you were my fiance. but sine we're not dating you're not cheating and i'm pathetic
Just found a shot glass and plan b in my backpack...
Im guessing the shot glass is for plan c?
What type of outfit says "I know you slept with my boyfriend before and are also way skinnier than me, but I look better...somehow"
I can do it, this is my punishment and I will accept it, plus id like to see the look on peoples faces when I throw up on them
I don't know but the stairs are covered in apples
Just got a blowjob in her closet with two people sleeping outside in the room. I feel like the emperor of college.
Quick question, how many times can you get chlamydia before your vagina just gives up and falls off?
My drug dealer just texted me that his kid had a rough sleep and was running late to deliver the ounce to my office. Totes adorbs.
My dad just sent me a text reminding me to bring the family beer pong championship belt. Thanksgiving 2012 just got real
And. I know i am a gay man cause when i saw the pic of his cock his feet were in it and i am like what the fuck?
I walked in on him fucking my best friend. I think we've reached the point of following each other on twitter.
His parents then knew me as the blackout who took care of him and stole his watch
my comprehension of H.D. Thoreau really dives after 8 beers.....
It will astound me if they ever let you graduate.
i'm not sure what you are doing right now, but i know that i don't like it. whatever you are doing. just stop. come here so we can fuck
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