what made it akward was his girlfriends dog watching us have sex
Important life lesson - flammable and inflammable mean the same thing
she just built a cabin out of hotdogs and cooked it in the microwave.
now she is shaking the plate and mumbling "this is what california must feel like"
Literally been drinking for 10 hours. Hammered. Roasted chestnuts fell out of my shirt earlier.
It's sad the highlight of the night was you didn't electrocute yourself again.
I woke up with like grass burns all over my body, i'm pretty sure i made out with someone under a bus. . . but i'm not sure
I'm sorry I drunk dialed you before realizing that you were already in bed with me.
I'll even give you a complementary welcome blowjob.
4 people stoned, 3 boys I've slept with, 2 I gave chlamydia, and a partridge in a pear treeeeee
How festive
If our sexual relationship was relative to the Harry Potter series, I would have claimed the Wizard's Cup at least ten times.
He made the moves first, we made out...then we folded his laundry.
My mom just drunk texted me complaining about her genitals smelling like Taco Bell. I really am her son
i am rolling on molly so fucking hard i want to do 300 cartwheels
He texted me "sup", so I sent him that gif of the surprised guy and apparently it offended him
Should I bring my 4 pairs of bunny ears? Or is that too weird?
4 pairs might be a bit much
Randomize
