i met him on craigslist. and no i'm not a hooker.
yo - did your mom get a boob job (I think she did)
Bisexual people are plain selfish.
Talk about awkward... Just went to dinner with my mother and realized I fucked our waiter the night before. She HAD to see the looks he was giving me!
its sad that I know 23 beers will fit into my purse
I think our camping neighbours like us. We're the drunk girls trying to chop firewood with no pants on at 3 in the afternoon.
Well were gunna have to wash the couch cover now...maybe even the couch, soap or fire your decision
Found plan b box covered with blood. In kitchen sick. Pickle jar is empty. Wtf happened?
You were buying shots for everyone, saying, "I got a tax refund. I'm a MILLIONAIRE."
I bet George Washington got SERIOUS head back in his hay day.
OH GOD NOT SANTA BABY. NO NO NO. YOU'RE LIKE 85. OMG MULTIPLE WOMEN. NO NO NO STAHP.
Yeah. I asked if there was a finger in my ass at some point or if I had a weird dream. So far he hasn't responded
The man was doing everything in his power to get away from his wife, including go into the gay club.
The problem I'm having with looking for jobs while drunk is reading is really hard
It took me longer to jump start my car and get to his house than the fucking actually took.....
Randomize
