we were both hunting dick last night. it ended terribly for both of us.
What part of "waking up in the crawl space of my house with a raccoon" sounds like a good night to you?
We just saw a waitress walk by with a tray of bacardi and whipped cream.
Whoever ordered that deserves a pat on the back and the "classiest customer" award
I'm cheering for the colts this year. I basically have to since my fake says i'm from indianapolis
Of course... Double fistin nati light cuz the powers out and it cuts down the times i gotta open the fridge... Genius
I dunno. Last time I went there I had got sexually propositioned by a Belgian prince.
We kept trying to bring you to the hospital but you had a tantrum and kept saying you would never be Miss America
Dude, you were so wasted she couldn't wait. She was grinding your face while you were passed out in the yard.
I saw him and didn't have sex with him. Responsibility five!
I need you there. I need someone to glance at when other people inevitably annoy me.
There is a midget in cheetah face paint on a leash here
We spent 45 minutes searching the crevices of our friend's car with a pair of tweezers trying to find the acid that we dropped
...Just this whole adulting thing gets in the way of mermaid drag shows at lesbian bars.
I feel like that xmas present negates everything we were taught as little girls. Putting out DOES pay. God bless us everyone
I just realized. I havent even gotten a paycheck from this new job yet and already laid one of the girls most of the dudes are after
Randomize
