So I have to go swallow an entire zebra. Ur on ur own girl.
but, i was nude. you really should respect my stupidity and delete them. please.
yup put them legs up on your shoulders and eat her like some folgers
eat her like coffee?
id like to point out that while i was just peeing a condom fell out of my vag.
I told him I don't date guys unless they play a musical instrument. So, he's here and he brought a kazoo.
He likes Jesus. Game over.
Oooh wait, he just told me he was high.
He rode my dog to the bathroom and wouldn't stop laughing once he got in. It was scary.
We need to play Chardee MacDennis. Contact me when you have an available date. This is not a question.
When this bachelor party is over and your life is in ruins, you have my permission to die.
I made out with an Italian cab driver. Not cool. Help. Good news he will drive us anywhere we want to go as long as you cook food?!?!?! I want to melt into the pavement.
Nursing home in NJ just got busted for prostitution and drugs...dropping off my deposit tomorrow
easter 2014 is on 4/20 THIS IS NOT A DRILL YOUR FAMILY WILL EXPECT YOU TO BE HOME AND SOBER I REPEAT THIS IS NOT A DRILL
I mean, with your nipple problem im surprised. #hangacoatonem
The minute he showed me his Mumford and sons tattoo is the minute i could literally feel my pussy dry up
Never make a coconut bikini from a real coconut.
I smell like old thai food.
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