I want to take things slow emotionally, but fast physically
A hot woman with candy. This is what heaven is filled with
Just woke up in bed, AC on high, with a fresh pack of smokes, an unopened pint of vodka, and a bag w a beef patty w cheese in it. I think my roommate's like the toothfairy or something. Or that was way more Xanax than I needed.
I convinced her san diego was a state. all the proof I needed was saying, why do they call it san diego state university?
I thought he was kidding when he said pretend to be a dunkin donut delivery women. This is the last time I ever role play.
Make puking fun. Chug half a monster right before you blow. Throw up foam. Most unique experience ever.
I've been smelling a baby wipe for three minutes. I didn't think I was that drunk but I guess I am
my pupils became my eyes and i slept with a cloth in my mouth again
Imagine cans of beer raining. Like not hitting you and hurting you. Just gently falling into your hand whenever you're sad
You tried to sit down... There was a distinct lack of couch.
We ended up at a lesbian bar and all my co-workers tried to get me laid. This is not how I envisioned coming out.
That moment half way through a run when you realize you have to take a giant shit. I was racing against my bowels that last mile. Now my sweat is suctioning my ass to this toilet seat. Enjoy that NSA.
You said you couldn't use your body anymore so you made me push the buttons on your phone while you made alien sound effects
I think if you have sex on the couch it will psychologically damage it.
You ripped the leaves off the top of a pineapple then rubbed the rough skin part all over your face saying "this is how you mate with other species"
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