it's like there's an entire ecosystem in your vagina.
I'm totally counting that party when he kept putting his hands down my pants as a date.
dude you were so wasted last night you ate a sandwich made out of tomatos, cheese, doritos, salt & pepper. Then you heated it in the micro for 5 min to melt the cheese.
you should have heard her the other night. no sentence related to one preceding it. it was like she was in etch a sketch and when she moved she forgot everythin
I mean we havent seen each other since december and then bam its cinco de mayo and were having sex under a life guard tower taking tequila shots between each position. no big deal
I brought him flowers on my way home from cheating on him. Boyfriend of the year award right here.
In the ER with Chelz, I may have broken her ankle during sex. Lovely.
My parents woke me up at noon to tell me my maid had found my clothes strewn all over the neighborhood
I woke up to him peeing by our bedroom door. I yelled at him to go to the bathroom and he just kept peeing while he walked there. This is a new low.
With a stable of 7 fuck buddies, I literally use a random number generator to determine the order in which I will booty call them on my way home from work. I have not slept in my own bed in a month. I just keep half my clothes hanging in my car or in a suitcase.
I want to die, ON THAT, with that INSIDE ME. ironically, I sense that would be the only time I'd feel alive.
Will you rub my calves while I masturbate?
Were you citizens arresting people again last night?
How much glitter would I have to ingest in order for a "magnificent" amount to appear in my ejaculate?
I don't think it's a coincidence that the day I just happen to do the splits at the gym I come back with 7 guys' phone numbers.
Randomize