u know ur in oregon when the cop tells u to keep the beer cans he made u pour out so u can recycle them
you're like a bully in the Christmas story
So he said if we had sex he'd take me to Build A Bear. My virginity is so worth a trip to build a bear.
You're 20.
IT'S BUILD A BEAR!
It is official. It's the year of doin married chicks. Similar to the year of virgins but without all the baggage.
we've been together for three years, and i still get excited when i know i'm going to give him a blow job. it's that kind of love
there's a liquor store near my therapist
i might give it a shot.
Wanna tell me why vodka seeped out of the memory foam when I climbed into my bed?
I think it's safe to say taking shots on the way to the emergency room was rock bottom. We're going to need to think of ways to top that between now and next new years eve...
I'm still hoping for it dude. Random north dakota pussy. If my 16 year old self knew that these were my dreams he would so try to beat me up, and i think he could.
I'm about to initiate a game of drunk UNO.
Drunk UNO has officially been banned from now until forever.
The last text I sent him was about nachos. Frankly, if he can't respond positively to that he can fuck off...
He was singing R-E-S-P-E-C-T to a stripper between motorboats while our HR manager cheered him on.
I slapped a guy during sex last night because he moaned the wrong name. Then I remembered I gave him a fake name. Sorry bro.
yeah the cops just showed up and they got there ass handed to them at beer pong.
Just let me pee on you and I'll leave you alone.
Randomize
