SECOND walk of shame from the westside Hilton, SECOND foreign family w kids staring at me in my dress, glitter purse, spiky heels and booze breath. I said I was going to church. More confusion.
To bright to open both eye. Get pizza and put in feeding tube so i can sleep more
I'm reading about reasons for wearing clothing. IS THIS COLLEGE OR PRESCHOOL?
We walked in and the first thing we heard was, "OH SHIT! White chicks!" Naturally, I made some new male friends.
why im i the only drunk person in the library?
i woke up on my kitchen floor, halfway through a text, and my mascara running... this is why i stopped drinking tequila
My favorite part was walking in the bathroom, you fixing yourself in the mirror, calling your reflection a fag, then throwing a haymaker into the paper towel dispenser before going back out to the bar.
The preggo girl brought her pet chipmunk to class today. fyi.
I wrote my name on his balls in sharpie. In the homosexual world that's like a diamond ring. Shits permanent.
I'm not afraid to fist fight your child if I feel he is standing in between me and some tacos.
so my mom thinks I'm picking you up just to go buy you liquor before you go back to school tomorrow...
I'm ashamed that your mom thinks I haven't already taken care of that.
I'm in public and Taylor Swift is playing. It is taking all my effort to not screech like a goat.
Yeah, first date. First take a pic of him to circulate around for your friends and than have him fill out a short penis questionnaire. Seems completely legit to me.
I don't get it. Why have babies when you can have vodka?
Dude. why do I feel like I am cheating on you every time I do shrooms?
Randomize
