The child next door sounds like he's having vigorous sex in the backyard and it's making me very, very uncomfortable. I don't want to look.
watching a depressing episode of spongebob while high is the most depressing thing i have ever experienced
that knocking you heard last night......that was her head slowly going through the wall
there's a sledge hammer in the bottom of the swimming pool... so whatever happened last night was probably awesome
also. he gave me a foot massage during 69ing when i got a cramp. he's a winner.
you know who we are? We're the female white stoner version of Kenan and Kel.
it's only monday and im already failing all my classes. i give up. tequila tuesday is my only friend.
Only thing worse than going to work with a hangover is going to work with a hangover then realizing that u don't have to work that day
I miss the good ol days when id just come home from school and thered be a costco size box of condoms on my bed.
my parents really loved me back then.
We got to his house at 7am and two random guys were on the couch shot gunning beers saying we were late for the party
If he can't cook well I'm just gonna buy a RealDoll and twenty cats and live my own fucking life
They live across the street from a school baseball field so they have porter potties across the street and let's just say that I'm grateful they exist
How do you tell a vegan you want him to stuff you like a turkey?
at the time fanning him with a dish tray seemed like a good idea but when we found it buried in the dirt the next morning i questioned our judgement. needless to say he still threw up even with the extra breeze.
It doesn't matter how nice the shirt you wore to the bar was, you still shouldn't have worn it to a job interview
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