I got so many pubes stuck in her braces that when she yanked her head, I cried out like that one girl you "accidentally" rear-ended last week. Bald spots are battle scars.
Just saw out breathalyzer tubes from last night on the side of the road. Glad the cop let us know that they are biodegradable
Just because you can put your penis in it does not make it "good stuff".
I FEEL like I celebrated someone's 21st, but really I just celebrated Tuesday.
Sex should always be followed by Chinese food in bed.
If my penis could make facial expressions, it would constantly have a smile on.
He just made my one night stand pancakes for breakfast. And I thought living with my ex was going to be weird.
My vagina has made plenty life decisions and I would like to point out very few if not any of them were in my favor.
The amount of dicks I have seen in the last hour is more than I have seen in my whole life.
Is it sad the checkout lady had to inform my mom she can't buy alcohol before 8am?
It was great. We stayed up all night talking about objects he'd put in his theoretical vagina.
There are some people who should not be trusted with a cell phone while drunk. You know your one of them when you call the cops on your own party.
u would mumble something and then get unnecessarily loud and say random shit like 'id fuck the shit out of taylor hanson right now'
we found her. shes in the bathtub full of raw pasta. i dont even know...
Hot fire fighters installing my closet. Don't know how to go about this. Gonna nonchalantly take my shirt off and see what happens..
Randomize
