I just woke up to my FedEx of contacts I've been waiting for for about a week and my hungover ass went to the bathroom and used beer instead of contact solution.
you woke up, pulled a beer bottle out of your pants..took a drink and went back to sleep.
on the list of things id be doing when i was almost 30, waiting for a girl to finish shitting the bed wasn't on there.
she literally pooped in the closet. i sent the picture to everyone i know.
I woke up in the penthouse and did lines off the to of the fireplace. This is not real.
Say it nicely.
Fine. I want to lovingly bend you over and lovingly fuck the shit out of you. Happy?
im sitting in the back of my pickup eating an artichoke. please come find me, im scared.
that was a mass text, wasnt it?
I tried to lock you in the bathroom stall because you were too drunk. But you escaped from underneath, I gave up
I know he is still a student. I am not asking if his being an underwear model makes it more ethical, just less prosocutable.
There no better feeling of self control than stopping yourself before telling your girlfriend she gives head just like her sister.
My cousin is passed out in my room, so I just masturbated in my walk-in closet. Apparently I get off on danger. Make note of that.
Will you trust fall hold me, so I can pee of this building.
Is it okay to send him a "thanks for the sexual awakening" note?
Because you hugged a homeless guy, and I paid him 5 bucks to give us our giraffe balloon animal back. That's why.
I got locked into my place today. You might be wondering if that was a typo... It's not.
Randomize
