Have fun fixing the bed from last night Bob Villa.
At least you didn't call me Brittany this time
you don't know how close you are to someone till they ask you to shave their ass.
Ricky Martin is gay. You owe me $10 from 3rd grade.
Shes been standing with her arms crossed in front of the mirror for 45 minutes...she told me she's "getting sober"
Ok, let's play "if you were a slut" again and try and retrace our steps last night..
After we fucked he shhhh'd me and said your welcome
now that I know that you did coke with your mom I can't look at her the same
I'll be there in a few.
I'M COUNTING TO FEW.
Whenever someone tells me they've never met a bisexual, I feel like a majestic fucking unicorn.
The UTI came back with a vengeance.
I've been trying to masturbate for the longest time now and so far I've accomplished getting tangled in my computer battery cord and phone charger and hitting my knee on my laptop.
One a scale of one to hella drunk, how gracefully can I make it down those stairs
I hope no one at work can tell or smell that I have tequila in my hair and I haven't showered for days
You'll be pleased to know I just had an elaborate day dream about your penis. you were there too.
He thought it would be sexy if he found my clothes and dressed me, and it was..until he found a thong under his bed and assumed it was mine. It wasn't
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