i'm so desperate for a drink right now i looked up the recipe to make pruno
I convinced her san diego was a state. all the proof I needed was saying, why do they call it san diego state university?
I want to get so wasted that I make middle aged irish men look like mormon girls
So I fucked that hot french guy last night
You do know he's the one who threw up on our table, right? You get to clean it up.
So i told him he was the 3rd i have ever slept with and then i found out he had actually slept with 5 other girls besides me. And his reply was well your number one on this hand.
btw found the cat. he didn't appreciate the toilet bath.
omg. MEgabus. stoned.
Theres these two guys talking.
I have a new game. It's called "how weird can you act before a guy won't fuck you". I've deducted most guys are willing even if you're batshit insane.
You know it's been a rough year when your therapist mouth is just wide open. And I didn't even get to the real issue!
Mother fucker, I knew it was bad when you tried making out with my car window
It is officially Christmas time in Chicago. There's a drunk hobo on the CTA singing the first 2 lines of Frosty the Snowman over and over and over.
I'm high and having a granola buffet this has got to be the healthiest I have ever been
There's a baby in the strip club. I say again: THERE'S A BABY IN THE STRIP CLUB
Why did I not realize how important my fridge was till I was drunk. It keeps all my food cold its like my own cold box
Just escaped from the ER. Meet me at the bar in 20 minutes.
Randomize
