Apparently last night I sat at the bar with an upside down sharpie lightning bolt on my forehead, yelling "It's Harry Potter's birthday! Let me be on the qudditch team!" And I kept calling the bartender Dobby. There are videos.
I'm not inviting you over anymore if my cat keeps ending up in the freezer...
Bars not open yet, I feel like a desperate alcoholic wandering around outside.
Had to use the product locator on on the four loko website to find them at home. Got to go in the backroom of a grocery store to get them. Dedication.
Well.. considering he unknowingly dated a prostitute, I consider myself the winner in that break up.
I walked in on you rubbing your nose all over his face while straddling him and yelling "I'M SO SORRY!" repeatedly. I'd say you were in pretty good shape at that point in the night.
Breakfast tacos?
YOU ARE A FOUNTAIN OF GREAT IDEAS
It's probably because the lack of alcohol in your stomach. Alcohol kills bacteria. I am a doctor. Trust me
then looked at this little girl next to me and was like "don't drink when you get older and don't let your best friend be with assholes." she looked at me like i was crazy
The only downside to doctor sex is that getting choked with a stethoscope leaves marks.
No biggie, just trying to keep my liver function in the green
I gotta stop fucking the bouncers. We are running out of bars to go to.
being broke is really keeping my alcoholism in check
I just got to my parents hungover as hell. My dad could tell and said "theres only one cure for a hangover" and handed me a beer. This morning went from a 0 to 10 in an instant.
dont know what thebfuxk is in rhat shit, but dont lemme have antmore
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