home. puking in laundry basket.
I love how adderall is equivalent to money on a college campus. just got a ride home and paid the driver in adderall...yeeah buddy
If I remember taking any of my finals after tomorrow night, it will not have been a successful night.
i think i recognize dicks better than faces
Dude...disintegrating condoms. Think about it. For all the guys that wanna go raw dog but their girls won't let them, and for the girls that wanna get pregnant but their guys don't want a kid. What do you think?
I think you've been hitting the soco too hard again.
I really wanna punch him. Right in his cell-phone-sized penis
She's dressed as a slutty Dalmatian. I doubt she has morals.
I wish my brain had a "congrats you just defeated the munchies" notification!
I didn't talk to any girls wearing masks because I wanted to avoid making the big mistake of making out with my sister.
ETSY JUST SENT ME AN EMAIL WITH THE SUBJECT "SUMER ROMANCE" I'M BEYOND FUCKING DONE
You know what else? He didn't even get to see my butt. And my butt is really cute. Car sex is awful.
If you had been home 20 minutes ago, you probably would've caught me masturbating, so it might be for the best.
If I die at work, I want you to have my mustache collection
Somewhere on my work laptop I have a map visualizing all the area codes that Ludacris has ho's
I hope that wasn't done on billed time
I can guarantee that it was
If I get back to the house before you, I'm setting up the swing. If you get there before me, it's chains and cuffs.
Randomize
