there is a homeless man oan crack poledancing on a fence... now hes humping it...
You were partners with her mom and you began calling her "the Robert Horry of beer pong" You also kept telling her that she was hotter than her daughter.
DO IT!!! IT MUST BE FATE THAT I GAVE YOU THAT CONDOM!!!!
I swear to god he's a one man village people.
At a Jewish lesbian wedding. I stick out like a sore, uncircumcised penis.
So essentially hes paying me $150k/year for the rest of his career to not have sex
SERIOUSLY? WTF! why cant I find a super hot, super gay, super conservative christian NFL player in need of a beard?
Its important to me that you know there is a tambourine down my pants.
I'm driving up the street and can't tell if my ears are actually about to pop or not.
A solid 8.5 on the baked meter, I need to stop.
never underestimate the power of walking into a bar alone in uv cat makeup.. took home a seven foot man
Well. I went to a frat party where they mixed gin and Mountain Dew. My kingdom for some olives and vermouth.
We couldn't find the paddle I had gotten so he just spanked with my tennis raquet
"what's it like being a dancer turned stoner" well, i can change the netflix using my feet mid bongrip, so there's that.
Not even official and he's cleaned my puke twice. His hotdog skills are an added bonus. I've got a keeper
I mean, I'm not upset that HE's getting married, I'm upset his penis has to go through with it by default
Hey. I hope you have enough room in your car for me and a Honda civic front bumper.
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