just ate pastrami before passing out in my hotel room. My room smells like a petting zoo
I need to start cutting my cocaine with Plan B
i don't remember her name, but i don't need it unless we decide to hook up again. but even then, i can get away with not knowing it for a while. it's not like we have actual conversations.
This girl told me I had the balls of an infant..I replied by saying her vagina looks like Stargate.
just apologized to a random stranger while waiting in line for coffee. last night was that drunk
We should be flying into LAX instead so when we land I can turn to the right and see the Hollywood sign
You can't even see the fuckin Hollywood sign from LAX. guess she never got the memo
ever had your bank call you to verify the 4 seperate bar transactions from the night before? I have
I am pretty sure I told him the clouds were earth's purest filtration system and that snow was the rarest and most delicious water in the world. My lips are burning because we ate so much.
today is like waiting for pizza day in elementary school, but with sex added
People are suprisingly accepting of someone doing a walk of shame in a toga...
You actually went to class. Im eating dry cereal naked and watching bring it on.
A gentleman never tells..... therefore i will neither confirm nor deny the attatched photos
I swear that when we jog in the morning I can hear it slap between his thighs
I'm wearing a suit and have no chance of getting laid or robing a casino. I consider this opportunity a failure
How many fucks given?
0.12846
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