we were making out and he got up to change his pants. I wonder what would happen if i took my shirt off.
you went up to him and asked if you could have "friend sex." He looked like a 7 year old on christmas morning
If I had a motorized wheelchair, I'd just chase the squirrels on campus all day.
All I remember is mattress sliding down the stairs while giving him a blow-job. Sorry you had to witness the incident.
So to distract myself from jackies vomiting, im making up a story in my head. It's called the little penis that could
She only spoke Russian, but she was so gorgeous it didn't matter
Oh. I think she ate all the cake and took our vodka...still gorgeous.
I literally have a bandage on my dick that's how bad she is at handjobs
In the pie chart of my life, she is a huge part of why I drink.
I panicked i brought burritos. Funeral burritos
I'm so hungover I can't taste anything
I'm just gonna put on a documentary and throw up
Is it customary to send a 'thank you card'to someone who gave you awesome oral as a gift at your housewarming party?
Was I just dreaming, or was there a corpse at work last night?
She was just sleeping.
Is it bad that I'm kind of disappointed by that?
Honestly his girlfriend says she hates me cause she thinks im trying to get him to cheat on her with me...she should hate me cause i already accomplished that.
Dear god my vagina.
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