Let's make love on the newspapers that declare financial doomsday
I am engaged
To a real live girl that has met me
hey im gonna send you a picture of my dinner
if its a picture of your dick again we are no longer friends
I either date the nice guys or the assholes. There isn't any in between.
You need to find a taint.
No I'm not okay I had a crush on the singer of Tokio Hotel for four months and now you tell me he's a dude?
wait so...it's like an actual thing to masturbate using the detachable shower head? WTF I thought I was being creative!
Changed it back. Somehow I didn't think my profile pic should be me shirtless on ecstasy, ya know?
Somewhere in the night I send my Dad a text stating "YOU failed as a parent"
I smell like gasoline and adventure.
Her boobs felt like beanie babies from heaven
You just want to live out all your fuck fantasies with all these girls through me. I know your game. Well played sir.
I'm still a bit day drunk and decided to go for a run. You may get a snapchat of me vomiting soon
You know more about his cock specs than his childhood. Proud of you
Do you know who changed all my phone contacts into characters from Harry Potter?
He Who Must Not Be Named.
Fuck you.
Some guy at the bar last night bought us Arrowhead water and I was so drunk, it tasted good
Randomize
