By the way the fattest man alive got married yesterday and I don't even have a boyfriend.
Well at one point you put icyhot on your feet because you lost your shoes and it was snowing outside.
I think call of duty has replaced my masturbating. And I'm alright with that.
You need to take one for the team and go bang a random sample of mexicans. Cause my internets broke and I can't google mexican foreskin stats.
Also, do you think you think his dick is perfect bc you loved him? Or is it actually perfect?
Seriously. He was just sitting there naked in the dark with a boner pissed that I came home late.
Do you know how hard it is to get cum out of a straw hat!?
I may or may not go. send a pic of a nipple so I know how much fun you're having
How drunk do you think I'll be by the time I get home?
I just watched you drink a whole glass of wine through a Twizzler. Pretty drunk.
I feel better now, I have multiple fuck buddies again
He gets married Father's Day weekend and I just found out I'm pregnant. What do I do?
You have cats and a ten year IUD. Embrace it.
Laying on my driveway in my pajamas in the sun having my severe hangover cigarette, and the daycare house across the street is having playtime in the yard! I believe I'm currently being what's known as a "bad example!"
I let a 30 year old guitar player that works at a call center go down on me in his backseat last night
I wanted to give everyone gifts as they left the house... So when your wondering where most of the christmas ornaments are I'm really sorry.
Randomize
