you are my new fav person for making him do the walk of shame in pink footie pajamas!
I might never shower again without beer.. I might also always drink naked
A piece of cheeseburger just fell between my tits. Consider this a "wish you were here" postcard.
Somehow I magically turned down a threesome last night. On my birthday. You're a horrible wingman.
do you think they make 'sorry for walking in on you drunkenly jacking of to a picture of me' cards?
Listen I know you hate her for what she did but this is getting our of hand. Please please tell me where you hid her wedding dress.
Donating $10 to Sandy victims for every hurricane I drink tomorrow. Buying me alcohol just became a good cause.
I GOOGLED IT. BEES CAN MASTURBATE. WHAT.
My friends son got stung by a jellyfish over the weekend and we seriously stood there debating on whether or not we should pee on this toddler.
Either of you know why the shower was on and the bathroom door wide open with no one in there at 6 in the morning?
She tried to sing jingle balls while blowing me
I just want somebody who'll randomly bring me pizza and lovingly squeeze my butt. Is there a dating app for that, do you think?
Yeah that stuff was rough. We insisted on wearing our bikinis all down college ave, and at several parties that were not beach themed
Also this morning I remembered seeing the stripper he threw up on later in the night. She was clothed though.
um care to explain the stolen chinchila under greg's bed..i'd be fine with it if it wasnt chewing up the stash
Randomize
