I have a feeling we are going to become cougars together.
woke up 7 floors down in the lobby...i my underwear. New high or new low?
New experience?
You wrote me a letter and I cannot make out anything you wrote except the last sentence which says "tell the wolf ill meet him at sunset and that I'm sorrry"
the last thing i remember is ordering pitchers of white russians....
where are you?
Hypothermia
Just saw my bank statement. It literally goes liquor store pizza place liquor store pizza place bar bar bar liquor store pizza place 711 for snacks withdrawl for drugs rinse and repeat
He titled his birthday party on facebook, "BJ's in PJ's- an adult slumber party." I'm the only one invited.
I slept with him because his girlfriend should know better than to be with him given is reputation. It was like sex and a lesson all in one.
there's nothing weirder than waking up to your mom eating breakfast on the couch that you fucked her coworker on last night.
I think they make you graduate because you get too old to go hard and become a risk. homecoming weekend wins again. fuck.
She wants to go as a facebook "like" for halloween, but right now her costume looks more like the hamburger helper hand with broken fingers.
Can I chase this vodka with an onion?
Apparently swingers are magnetically drawn to me?
We all love a big dick, but you’re going to develop a reputation if you keep asking every guy at the bar ‘how big your dick’
That’s all I’m saying
If it's any consolation she turned out to be has a collection of clown dolls she talks to crazy. And the cops knew why I was calling when she key locked the door from inside.
Randomize
