can you blame him?
i blame him for everything, HE GOT ME PREGNANT
the women in the ladies room did not appreciate my innovation of turning a sink into a urinal
He said I was the smartest girl he had ever dated, that should have been a sign from the beginning
Last night he tried to put me in their garbage can and then sprayed me with a fire extinguisher in their kitchen...that house is always interesting
Talk me down man. Writing a paper drunk and about to buy Celine Dion's greatest hits.
We legit stopped the the game so that Jamie and I could throw up in the bushes, and then continue to play intramurals... this is what my life is coming to1
We haven't even eaten dinner yet and she's already been asked to "take it down a notch" by the groom's mom.
Is it acceptable to cry on a Friday or am I supposed to drink to forget it?
Seriously, she had fingers that made me thank a god I don't even believe in that I'm gay.
Get off me. I'm done. I want a cookie.
Lift me 50ft in the air like a tow truck but with your penis
How high are you exactly
I'm not gonna lie, my internet creeping skills scare me. I'm like Liam Neeson in Taken
She'll feel so accomplished if she finally gets to bang me.
I think you'll appreciate my way of waking up today: Under my cubicle, boxed in by boxes of printer paper, and hung over. I don't even know how the fuck I got in here in the middle of the night. I went to my car and fell back asleep. I'm now 2 1/2 hours late.
I just saw a guy walking down the street without a shirt on and holding a samari sword....
Randomize
