It took me 40.8 seconds to take a dump at her house, I know because I timed myself.
I puked off the balcony.
Not horrible
Into the hottub. There were six people in it. I had eaten all their pizza.
while 90% of the female population goes to worship a fictional character tonight at midnight, I will be taking advantage of having the bars ALL TO MYSELF.
i was out of cigarettes so i took the butts out of the ashtray, emptied them out, and proceeded to roll one big Frankenstein cigarette.
dear roomies, would anyone wanna donate the booze they left in the fridge over break to the "your roomies snowed in and all alone" fund?
your idea of a balenced meal is a microwave frozen burrito, a cup of ramen noodles, and a can of budlight. honestly tell me how your resolution is to lose weight,
I'm not 100% sure, but I think someone gave me a bath last night...
You're surprisingly coherent for someone who thinks her couch is breathing.
Travelers Top-Tip: Europeans do not appreciate being repeatedly referred to as "gypsy" regardless of how good your Borat impression is.
it's not like this is the first time she's brought a guy home and I'm the one who hooks up with him
Haha at least the one I have like that you can't tell we are completely drunk and you're about to kick a glass out of my hand in a fit of joy over pizza.
Red flag bro. Her only friends are barflys and a teen with a fake ID
Sex was followed by homemade breadsticks. I waited till after the breadsticks were gone to tell her i had a gf.
they are cutting me off...little do they know I am making a 75 yr old man i named Herbert buy me drinks now...no shame at 11 am...
He was actually surprised when I poured myself a glass full of straight vodka. Clearly he doesn't know me as well as he thinks.
Randomize
