Your dad touched me again.
The smartest thing I've heard Obama do is call Kayne West a jackass
$3 wine plus diet sprite does not make good champagne.
does taste better than andre tho
he fucked me so hard my future children felt it
Is there a nice way to say "I like you, but I hate your dick?"
He tried to write down the address for the cab on half a bagel.
I recorded his orgasm, set it as his ringtone, and called him while they were singing happy birthday to his mom. Yeah, revenge is sweet.
I'm starting to think my role in the world is to inject batshit crazy, mentally unbalanced chicks with a dose of normal sperm.
It's like God tapped him on the shoulder and said "You are now capable of giving world shattering, tear jerking head."
Its 8 in the morning and I wouldn't pass a breathalyzer test, How's your day been?
He wanted to save my dignity, I just wanted beads and jäger
I admire the fact that you replicated my apartment on the roof but I would appreciate it more if you would move all my stuff off the roof and back into my apartment.
Any chance he has an open marriage? That penis shouldn’t be wasted on one woman. It should be shared with all womankind, or at least me. I’m too good at sex to be deprived a penis that large
I've got two reasons for you to come over later and one of them is pierced.
The same idiot-bubble, now just bigger and louder.
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