so, my congressman just called me to say he has office hours this week if i'm still interested in talking to him. i pray to god this is not related to Friday.
I need a DD tuesday morning around 9 AM
I'm scared to ask why.....
1st bikini wax. Jose Cuervo is helping me prepare.
I can hear my liver begging me not to go out tonight
So at what point do I tell her that I like fucking these hot southern girls more than I like my relationship with her?
Where are you? This girl fell on a baby. She is just gone. Please Hurry
I'm hurrying
Dude. She just shit herself.
Shit ive learned: when going out to a party, always wear a bathing suit underneath just in case theres a pool with a roof next to it
Came so hard when I was riding him that I actually bit some of his chest hair off. He said I was the first girl ever to do THAT.
It was big, black, and had a smiley face tattooed on it. It was the perfect penis.
Neighbour is sobbing. Difficult to masturbate.
I witness him finger a girl behind the dj decks yet I'm still going to meet up with him. Wtf is my life
Sometimes I wish I lived alone because there would be no one to judge me if I wanted to have whiskey and popcorn for breakfast.
Apparently "Welcome to the Sin Cave" is not how I'm supposed to answer the door
There we go, I shall begin my attempt to achieve whore status today
You know it's a bad cold when sneezing feels better than orgasming...
oh man there are to hot chicks wrestling in a pool of maple syrup. ill send you a picture
this is why i will never break up with you
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