she has a tiny mouth but huuuge vocal chords
He looked me in the chest and said "I think I was visited by the titty fairy last night"
I told him to go down on me and when he did he started crying!! I asked him why and he said my vag looked just like his ex girlfriends!!!
The bar I'm at just passed out smores to everyone. I don't know what it has to do with cinco de mayo but I'm down.
I don't know, I don't really wanna ask the question, "Mom why am I not circumcised?"
Will you be topless? That will affect my answer.
What is the appropriate way to inform him that I am TOTALLY down for break up sex?
The cops said we could pay $250 or spend the night in jail and get 2 free meals. I might pee in mail-boxes more often
I drunk dialed my ex-boyfriend last night. He was sitting next to my new boyfriend. Shoot me in the face.
Oh god he's like Julia Roberts in pretty woman... And I'm the one who's gotta make a lady out of him.
Me and allie were just offered cocaine by a strange man in a women's bathroom. Why have I not lived in Austin my whole life?
He bought me shrimp and alcohol and referred to himself as daddy. I am in love.
You have got to be the only man who has passed out while getting a lap dance.
Do you think I could use my teacher of month Award to get free drinks?
I think I just got suckerpunched by a 14-year-old.
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