If a guy called my cleavage "mesmerizing" but is kinda related to me, does it still count?
our night together was a product of my beer goggles and jennifer aniston-like desperation.
You were like pukeahontas last night, you tried to tell us you were okay, then you puked in the garden.
Please tell me I did not ask the bartender how big his dick was.
figured you should hear this from me. Your refrigerator door is way broken. I opened it last night when i was drunk and tried to climb the shelves. i got to the one with the mustard.
Worst case scenario: I have VD and will die. That's the worst that could happen. As long as I'm around long enough to see the winner of bachelor pad, I'm cool
i think this is the gayest thing you've ever shown me. and i'm pretty sure you've sent me pictures of a dude sticking his dick in a horse's nose.
Woke up with his dick on the side of my face, it's like he passed out mid-mushroom stamp.
she slipped a pinky in my ass. Not sure if I came because I liked it or if I was terrified by it.
Nobody in the ambulance liked me...
Rolled in at 3:30am from the strip club, with all the screaming I did, Siri doesn't even recognize my voice this morning,
Vodka and tater tots have managed to satisfy me more than most of the guys I've slept with.
Well puke fest 2014 just happened
he threw an umbrella that he ripped out of the table at the fence like he was harpooning a whale while the owner of the bar was outside then tried to blame it on an old man...
My diet fell off the wagon when I began texting the pizza delivery guy my location on frat row.
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