Would it be horrible to send my ex's girlfriend an email telling her that I sexed her man up so dirty that he fell asleep inside of me afterwards?
So, I'm about to rent a movie, order pizza, and use my vibrator.... Am I dating myself?
just got my goo swallowed for the first time. colors seem so much more vivid now, and more rainbows are outside
He ate me out and then left in a hurry and shouted "Sorry to dine and dash" as he left my house
I know it is almost summer when the students in my night class start showing up drunk.
He just kept yelling woof and then threw money all over me...
He's coming over tonight...I really wish I didn't have my period right now...
I believe I'm witnessing the first time ever that you wished your period would NOT come....
Now that my 6 day bender is behind me, I just realized I might have been the one who took a shit in our mailbox that past few days.
All she said to me last night is that when her eyes roll back, to release my choke hold.
I just used my glow stick from the dance to find my way in the bathroom to puke. Who wants me on their corporate team
Don't laugh, but I might need some advice on how to ride a crooked dick.
I am drinking green tea.... My liver is in shock
I need something that says "I'm gay sometimes but I feel scorned by my straight, non-committal lover, so I'm here to get drunk and make out, and possibly end up in a bathroom with someone who's name I won't remember tomorrow"
Sooo, my mother is snoring, my ex is sexting me, the guy I'm having an affair with is sending me dick pics, and all I want to do is sleep!
I refuse to shit my pants for anyone except Cher and Christina Aguilera!
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