She had hickeys... what's up with that?? HAHAHA
Every time I hang out with your gay friend, I have to make a checklist of words to look up when I get home. First Google of the night? "Power bottom."
I just snorted a line of adderall through a rolled up business card for the Michigan Law Admissions Office.... Tell me I'm not motivated
Well I tried to steal a golf cart. I fought with the Chick-Fil-A cow. And other things.
They turned the water off again. Brushed my teeth with whats left from those pitchers of mojitos. So hung over i dont even care.
I was masturbating with the shower head and someone flushed the other toilet. Pretty sure I have 3rd degree burns on my clit.
Tell me you didn't have sex with my dad.
you picked up the vacuum cleaner at one point and said you we gonna beat the shit out of me with it. that was kinda funny
Lets just say I tried to pinky promise the cop... So I was fucked up.
He was pretty bad, I wanted pizza the whole time.
I bought 10 disposable adhesive bras and duct tape. If Home Depot can't help my breasts defy gravity, nothing will...
LMAO
I'm on the Coaster ride of shame, currently sitting across two nice old ladies smelling like condoms.
I'm going to ride your dick until it falls off. That horny.
I'm equal parts terrified and turned on. Come over.
I just bought two cartons of ice cream, 5 boxes of mac and cheese and a bridal magazine. Don't judge me.
Some guy is here to get laser hair removal on his balls. I hate my job.
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