it was the worst sex ever in the history of sex. i mean ever. and he thought he was great. actually told me he was the best id ever had...what was i supposed to say? lol...i've had better times by myself. seriously.
Hey it's Austin.
I am not drunk enough for this conversation.
I'll let you put expensive food in me, but really, not much else.
it's 4 am, i'm drinkin beer and re-drywalling my bathroom. this could possibly be a bad idea.
I just witnessed someone getting head in the parking garage. Don't ever tell me Baylor is too conservative again.
Tequila bombs in champagne seemed like a good idea at the time.
You need to stop blackout tweeting at him to have sex with you on the roof of your dorm. He doesn't even have a twitter.
He handled me like a finger puppet on crack... Time to ice the vagina, I'd like to sit down sometime today.
"Grocery shopping" is really just a euphemism for spending $20 on enough frozen food to last 2 weeks and spending the rest of your viable paycheck on alcohol.
I found his belly button lint in my hair. Can't say it was worth it.
Is posting a pic on insta of my previously dyed blue pubes socially acceptable?
He's drinking on a hospital bracelet, the fuck's your excuse?
Im crossing my legs while on the toilet. It's like I'm unconsciously thinking "if im going to barf and shit at the same time, Im at least going to do it LIKE A LADY"
I mean, it's just pathetic when the standard is tinder and he can't live up to it.
I got a discount on the lube for giving the cashier focaccia bread from work.
Randomize
