I just saw a girl play flip cup with only her tongue
I'm in love
everything is bigger in texas. Including my drinking problem.
just realized i can abbreviate thomas paine as t pain in poli theory class notes....YES
I just introduced him to multiple male orgasms. I love wine AND tequila
Here. I am here. I do not know where here is but it includes condom balloons, a keg castle, and a shaved goat. Do not find me...I am in post blackout heaven.
So the doctor told me that I am starting to showing the early signs of liver cirrhosis. Thank you Jack Daniels for making the first 26 years of my life awesome.
I am going to borrow your water/shock proof video camera for St. Pattys day so that if wake up next to the highway again I know why.
Ok but I hold the right to any footage of you getting slapped, puking, anything with body shots, and allowed to make a montage of it to put on youtube.
Also, sex on a first date is no, right? Really, I just don't want to clean my apartment, but I'm trying to hide behind "morals" in an effort to appear less lazy.
Just copped mushrooms from a dude in a business suit. U comin or what?
Somehow my drug dealer is stuck in my air-vent and now everything smells like patchouli, weed, deoderant and sweat.
What's protocol when the 18 year old son of an anti-gay preacher sends you a message on Grindr during church?
Specially since he wanted to forget that we even touched, which makes it funnier because I don't think you can take back licking someone's butthole...
I got high and had sex with reindeer antlers on. It was magical and animalistic. Tia the season.
Damn Instagram explore page. I am six months in to some girl I don't even know.
High school drama coach is wasted and wanted me to tell you that I’m good at flip cup and you should be very proud of me
Where the hell are you
Randomize