Midget Michael Jackson impersonator dancing to Beat it in Penn Station almost caused me to miss my train. God, I
Nothing says Happy Thanksgiving like having to pee in a condom for my cousin so that he can pass a drug test.
This adderall has me convinced I'm an Econ major.
Someone shattered a urinal.
Would it be in bad taste to ask Marky Mark to sign the vibrator I named after him?
Thanks in advance for a great weekend. Sorry your roommates are going to hate you after I leave. They need to loosen up anyways.
door buzzer is fixed. took shots with Latvian electrician to celebrate. nice guy. he is gonna bring mixers next time cuz kombucha didn't really cut it for him.
LISTEN TO ME! GAY. FIREFIGHTER. They are the most rare and precious kind of gay. The kind little gays dream of. It needs to happen.
So we just accidentally broke into a building from the third floor while carrying shovels. The security guards are still very confused
There. Isnt. A. Single. Person. Who. Is. Not. High. At. Church.
So far I consider it a great summer because I have had to buy Plan B a total of zero times
Well I'm in a stranger's bed.
Gotta leave to watch the Lions
just wanted to eat pizza off his dick so he let me and he can never forget it
Also, I had mind-blowing sex on a pool table
Wait what do you mean I BOUGHT A FUCKING HORSE LAST NIGHT?!?!
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