Hey, It's Lauren. i wanted to talk to you tonight. I like you, as you know because kyle told you. I was wondering if you liked me too?
Are you in the third fucking grade? Check yes or no.
im shaking like a drug addict and i almost just shat my pants when i sneezed...no more patron for me
on my arm i have a score card from when we apparently had a competition to see who could harden his nipples fastest..
who won?
THAT is your concern right now?
dinner with the girl I motorboated last semester wasn't as awkward as I thought it would be
She is definitely tripolar. Like bipolar but better/worse.
i mad aa ber float. budweiser nd ice creem. it amzig.
I'm FaceTiming Pizza Hut.
I'm too stoned to come over for sex
Yes that is a Krispy Kreme doughnut on my cock
I'll be right over
Major life highlight, she said my dick taste like coffee.
He texted me at 3am that you cut your hand at the bar and were bleeding all over.
I woke up to a text thinking you bled out at a bar, turns out you got your butthole licked.
I mean, he's 40, foreign, artsy but with substance abuse problems and estranged children. How is he not my type?
We broke the bed while I was handcuffed to the headboard and let's just say that was a hard one to explain to the RA
I think I'm just going to get a farm, a vibrater, and a lot of wine.
He grabbed a pine cone off the ground and yelled "I love cigars" then tried to smoke it for ten minutes.
It’s like a sexy version of those choose your own adventure books from when we were kids. No matter what you choose, there will be penis!
Randomize
