You never realize just how much you have to be thankful for until you almost shit yourself in a Target.
Cumbucket.....OH MY GOD THAT COMES UP AUTOMATICALLY NOW!!
We folded our dollar bills into airplanes. This really makes the strippers work for it. Like air miles.
Haha jealous. If I could remember my dreams I'm pretty sure they would constantly be about being drunk in foreign countries
No way. Every time you have sex with him you'll end up staring into those eagle eyes and stop mid-orgasm.
I was late because I helped this old romanian lady mow her lawn at 2AM.
Then years and years after that I will send you a picture of my warped vagina from all the kids that I had.
So after I fell off 4 times we concluded I'm not allowed to ride him anymore.
I found where he bartends and I guarantee you that in approximately nine months from this Friday, you will have a niece
I just tried to pass the bowl to my dog for 2 minutes before I remembered she isn't human. It is 7:27 am.
The bar tender had his entire hand down your asscrack.
I forgot about that. I was in MULTIPLE dimensions.
YALL MOTHERFUCKERS WANNA WATCH HEAVY METAL AND SMOKE WEED AND PLAY POOL AND DRINK BEER AND SMOKE WEED
Random boy motorboated me, handed me a business card congratulating me on my motorboat, winked and walked out with some other girl
Find him and marry him.
Finally finished unpacking shit from school n found a bra with no idea whose it is... I miss college so much it hurts sometimes
Why is there a trampoline for sale in my front yard?
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