Memory from last night that just came back: me forcibly jacking him off while he yelled I DONT LIKE HANDJOBS I DONT LIKE HANDJOBS
i woke up this morning to a slap on the ass and jake saying "you should let me put it in your ass now" i need out of this relationship.
for sure. did you let him do it?
thats not the point.
I don't know how to say this, but I think you're a fucking bitch and the sooner you die I'll be happier.
Sorry- wrong number! :)
an ex called crying about her current BF. convo ended in phone sex. i love emotional wrecks
I just beat off to a cartoon porn video. what has my life come to
Drinking at work by myself... My boss just walked into me copying my face on the copy machine..
I gave the naked guy in the hotel a pop tart. He stopped crying.
I just found out via Facebook that my old dorm room is now the free condom distribution room on campus...IT'S LIKE THE UNIVERSE KNOWS!
Just got a message on OkCupid from a 20-year-old who has "Momma's Boy" tattoed across his chest and thinks the earth is bigger than the sun.
Put down the bong. Turn off Hey Arnold. Stop calling me football head.
I love you football head
You know I love you. I just don't love your penis.
You got Broadway Drunk, dude. I haven't heard you sing "Music Of The Night" like that since the last time I was holding you up on the way to the subway at two in the morning.
I Have a huge scrape on my knee and I need a better excuse than dry humping on a park bench...
I just instagramed a picture of an ostrich in case you were wondering what I did with my night
One door closes, one man cooks for you through the next open door
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