i just ordered a pitcher of margaritas for me and a friend but she called and canceled. oh well, looks like im getting trashed alone.
the waiter who hardly speaks english told me "i go get your medicine now"
this medicine is soooo good.
you told the cop you blew a .08 because you ate poppy seeds
I just jerked off and used a stopwatch to track my results. Pretty depressing on multiple fronts.
I just deleted all the drug dealers from my phone, I guess this is growing up
I'm too drunk to be surrounded by this many indians
How do you manage to be drunk and a racial minority so often?
This girl has a second refrigerator that she uses JUST for liquor, her kitchen chairs are kegs AND she can grill. I'm not coming back.
Just watched the couple I sit for and 4 of their friends shotgun beers like college kids. Please let this be us when we get older.
I made two strippers play rock paper scissors to see who would give me a lap dance last night
we hotboxed my bathroom. with nine people and two dogs.
Every time I get scared about the fact that I'm falling for him I remember that he juggles and is hung like a mastadon and everything is a-ok.
They shoved things up my nose I feel violated
I fell into his fridge. I want to leave.
Looked like a bag of smashed assholes and smelt like a brewery - still got morning sex. Marriage rules sometimes!
I'm the kind of gay who carries his anxiety medication in case the club scene gets too fierce
I'm sitting here listening to fat joe and doing kegels I have given up
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