There isn't a single transaction on my online bank account that doesn't involve drugs or alcohol since November 12
I woke up to a paper award certificate for best blow job and he was gone. You're welcome mystey man.
Retelling stories from our semester makes me realize we need to get tested for herpes.
I'm writing my will in case I die this week, it'll be saved on my computer under: little 500 death scenario
Well we're gonna drink when we get home and I just invited the cab driver to play beer pong
bad sex. bad bad bad. it was like trying to pick up an overcooked noodle with an empty pringles can. why do these guys always seem to find me?
So our 'date' consisted of getting drunk off champagne at four and photo-bombing the shit out of tourist's pictures all over the city. Thoughts?
I just spent a pre-4th of july celebration riding in a raft being towed by a car through a town that I've never heard of handing out flyers for a river rafting company that I never knew existed. Good night.
my roommate had a few special brownies and wrapped my purse and one of my shoes and left them under the tree for me...
this celing is unfamiliar to me... im just vaguely wondering where i am. but not quite concerned enough to do anything about it.
I also woke up on my floor. Naked. On a pile of clothes. With my head in the trash can. And a sheet over me.
Nice. The Governor's son bruised my vagina.
That's going to be the title of my memoir.
Sex in a hot air balloon, top that one!
He was 6'8" - I shit you not! He sat up in my bed and the ceiling fan got him right in the forehead.
How much glitter would I have to ingest in order for a "magnificent" amount to appear in my ejaculate?
Randomize
