Fucked her within an inch of her life. Seriously. Don't choke bitches when they ask. Was way too drunk to be pulling that shit.
We need to get sombreros so I can give them to strippers.
They just caught the deck on fire and I ran out with cups off the beer pong table filled with water from the toilet. It was the closest water source.
Tip of the day: Don't ever send a bootycxall at 3 in aftnoon. No one will respond n u'll just feel fooolish.
So, were they human bite marks at least?
Your guess is as good as mine.
DRAW HIM A PICTURE OF SOME FUCING AWESOME THING. LIKE A UNICORN OR SOME SHIT. FANTASTIC.
Really, who hasn't had sex on your bed?
ME.
Woke up with champagne in my hair and honey mustard on my hands. Strangely, I'm okau with this
I didn't know I was invited to an orgy.
I just wiped cum off my face with baby wipes... #momlife
I told her I'd rather set my hair on fire than sleep with her again. In retrospect, that was probably too harsh. My eye is still swollen shut.
I'm kind of pissed I'm not hungover, that means I could have totally drank more last night.
Was picked up in the middle of a bar full of people...apparently I'm not tall enough to reach for drunken makeouts. I'm proud of myself.
Is it a bad thing when vodka doesn't taste like vodka anymore?
I can't believe I slept with a girl who has the words shucks in her vocabulary. I'm getting less picky by the day..
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