im pretty sure that there was a mint leaf in my poop this morning. i love mojito season.
And i was thinking, 'i'm happy to be underneath you, but i wish you weren't doing THAT.'
The sex was so not worth the four dollars it cost to drive over the bridge
she was talking to me but i could help but stare at the extremely long hairs on her boobs. then she says, "your looking at the hair on my boobs aren't you"
i asked him how he could stand the smell of skunk. his answer was "it smells like good weed"...
you went around grabbing cigarettes out of peoples mouths and claiming you were curing cancer.
I just pull a splinter from the head of my penis. It was a rough night.
We couldve played the bring a random boy to lunch game but i made him go home
When she asked why I felt bad I said that it may have had something to do with the gin and cold pizza I had for breakfast.... And then I reflected on what my life has become.
Incase you were wondering. Cooking naked turns into sex. Sex and cooking may lead to house fire....
In retrospect i can confidently say that the last two months of our relationship... i was only in it because i didnt wanna lose my list on his netflix account.
I am sitting in my lingerie, eating frozen cookie dough out of a bowl, and watching family. My hump day is going great
I'm still not 100% sure who I'm sleeping with
Are you sure you found YOUR underwear?
Some sorority went “Dick or Treating” at a frat house and now the Halloween parties are canceled
Randomize
