Using pot as a way to stop crying probably isn't a good sign huh?
Meh, some people pop Prozac, you smoke weed. Po-tay-to. po-tah-to
no, i will not be your spotter when you masturbate with a noose around your neck
Just threw up in airport security. Happy holidays.
We watched a biography of Frida Kahlo in class today. It was depressing. A chick with a UNIBROW just put my sex life to shame.
That's saying a lot from the girl who takes her liquor with her to the library
IM PICKING UP BLOW FOR US STOP WHINING ABOUT SEX
come over after work tomorrow, liz and i will make all of your wildest dreams come true. so long as your wildest dreams involve drinking champagne at my house with two girls who won't have sex with you.
Three things I need a picture of: your friend, your bong, and your dick.
You came on the chandelier from the first floor.. Of course were allowed back
Dude. There are selfies on my phone of me, wide-eyed, sucking my pillow. We did NOT split that bag 50/50.
I don't think it's food poisoning, I think it's cause you cooked it over burning styrofoam
Someone broke in while we were at the bars, window is shattered but nothing got taken
Noone broke in, matt tried to pull a tyrese and punch through the window... were at the hospital.
mid-october of freshman year. goals have shifted from "no more guys on my floor" to "all the guys on my floor."
Drunk me wants sober me to be happy, woke up with half a dozen doughnuts in my bed this morning.
I'm actually on the verge of cancelling a booty call because I have an early meeting tomorrow. If this is what adulthood is going to be like, I'll pass.
Randomize
