How was last night?
She looked like Delta Burke in her fat Designing Women days ... and she just left like 2 minutes ago. Right after breakfast.
Well, emily woke up in Hoboken, cati woke up in jersey city, and i woke up in brooklyn....and our hotel room we rented in the city remained empty. Best birthday yet.
Pls don't use the words alligator, purple, and sperm in the same sentence ever again.
getting your period on valentines day is like an extra little fuck you, now you REALLY have no chance of sex tonight.
who do i root for if I want Christiano Ronaldo to win the world cup on a team by himself and then bang chicks on the pitch?
I slept with him to see his dog one last time
The polaroid of me taking a test-tube of Jegar out of the gay guys mouth pretty much explains my trip to Spain.
I wonder if they have a "21st birthday" section in the hospital..
This essay is so getting done. I am spurred on by thoughts of test-driving your newly shaven face by sitting on it as soon as humanly possible.
Me hangover (as projected). That sounds like a plan. Ill do it for Mexico
I am stoned at Disneyland with my little brother. It's gonna be a good day.
Dude of course I want to. Your penis is beautiful.
Costco (TM). Making alcoholism affordable!
I feel like a grown up and it scares me so I'm hiding out in the bathroom stall and messaging you
Do you remember me asking for jerk off videos from Tinder guy?
Nah I don't remember that being part of the criteria
Randomize
