their songs make me feel all the things I wanna feel. Ya dig?
and what kinds of feelings would these be?
Happy, horny, occasionally hungry
Hows this for an invention: a toilet that weighs your poop
I could make wine with my vomit
Dude, totally just found out that I've been washing my hair with semen for the past 3 weeks.
how soon is too soon to introduce handcuffs into a relationship?
Your brother just informed me that half a mouthful is a unit of measurement. I love talking to members of your family.
i'm pregaming while finishing a paper on cardio myocyte contractility in mice. i'm kicking finals week's ass right now
The sun is so bright. Whhyyyyy. EYES ARE DEAD.
You showed up to your dad's bday dinner late, dirty, and hungover then proceeded to yell at the bartender for trying to take advantage of you by putting extra bourbon in your drink... Highly doubt you win best daughter award.
You know what's worse than asking for the morning after pill? Asking for the morning after pill in a sketchy hospital in a foreign country where no one speaks English.
After seeing all of the pics during the trial, all I could think was "her vagina doesn't look THAT dangerous"
I'd just like to formally thank you for the size of your dick. The gods must really love you.
Am I under any obligation to let my new fuck buddy know I slept with his little sister?
yea so the plan to relive our college glory days was great and all but ending up in the er with alcohol poisoning was crossing the line
I'm so high that a guy on TV just sneezed and I said "bless you."
Randomize
