I'll never ask another girl to get on top again, that girl from the bar last night got on top and shit diareah all over my ball sack while she was cumming.
I'm at the bass pro shop. They have a river full of trout and turtles, a shooting range, a full bar, and the patriots cheerleaders are here. I now understand why people are rednecks. I may never leave
do you know how scary it is to wake up in a CATSCAN machine after a night of drinking?
he threw up all over himself while laying down.. it was like watching old faithful, but with noodles and vodka
What if we had a smart house and we could just say "baked" and it would rain donuts?
I just discovered cum stains from two different guys on my wall. I don't know whether to be proud or horrified.
Wait..I think something else did happen last night my vagina is too pleased for this level of hangover..
we did shots in class this morning as part of a presentation. WHY AM I LEAVING THIS COUNTRY?!
I show up hung over with mcdonalds. Why wouldn't he have sex with me? It's a fucking leap year...
I just want a sensitive guy who will get drunk with me then take me out to steal things. Is that too much to ask?
I just soaked a sugar cookie in nail polish remover to clean off my nails because I was too lazy to walk to the bathroom to get a cotton ball. Is this what rock bottom feels like?
I think he's holding my wallet hostage because I puked in his car. It's not my fault he has child locks on his windows..
The porch is breathing.
STAY OUT OF MY SHROOMS YOU CUNT
Just passed the animal clinic parking lot I had to pull over to puke in during welcome week. I can almost hear the dogs barking at my shame again.
I hate when my Bumble matches make it hard for me to stalk them.
Randomize