I lost my shoes and bra and was beyond mapquesting
so i woke up.. still drunk and discovered my roommate in the living room passed out dick-in-hand watching porn..
What did u do?
turned the porn up and opened the windows so everybody goin to class could see him..
Is it bad that I just used Smirnoff as mouthwash?
You're being dramatic. You can calm down, or you can piss off. Either way, I ate your burrito.
you think that next time i come over to do this you can pick up the condom wrappers you used on the other girls
You. Me. A bottle of Vodka. The wilderness.
I just had a contest with the toilet to see who could hold their breath longest.
I won
Hey, is this going to be a real date, or am I just meeting you at a hotel to have sex in the bathroom? Given our history, I think it's a fair question.
Dude, I had no choice. I was defending my genitals.
I cannot FaceTime with your penis
I AM CRUING IT IS 93:2 AM AND I AM CYGIN INT BED
She looks like a Midwestern news anchor that got fired so she has done nothing but eat for the past 6 months.
im shaving my vagina and listening to frank sinatra, im coming over after
For someone I see at the bar by herself all the time... I should have know she had a tazer.
I've just realized that today's rations have consisted of turkey bacon and jack Daniels.
Randomize
